Dear Sarah Vowell,
Will you go out with me? I know that there's a 13-year age difference and your ideal man probably completed his college degree, but I think we could work. I mean, I like Public Radio a lot, and Lincoln's my favorite president too! We could talk about the Incredibles or the McKinley administration and get milkshakes! Just check one and get back to me:
DO YOU LIKE ME? __ Yes ___ No
Dear Rob Liefeld,
Hey! Last time I was over at your place, I think I dropped a ring or small object of similar value into your garbage disposal. Or possibly between the spinning blades of a lawnmower. So if you could just reach in there with whichever hand it is you draw with, that'd be swell.
Apparently you didn't get the memo. I hate to be the one to break this to you, but just giving someone a katana doesn't make them cool anymore. Yeah, I know, but ever since the second Matrix movie I've been having to have this discussion over and over again, and I'd appreciate it if you just didn't let Jimmy write anymore.