Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Here, Look at This

I'm not sure if it's the stress of a week's worth of double-sized two-fisted posts finally catching up to me, or if I've somehow contracted the Goddamn Clench, but I am sick.

How sick?

So sick that I found myself staring, slack-jawed and unfocused, at the bottomlessly awful David Arquette/Pro Wrestling vehicle Ready to Rumble. Clearly, I'm in no condition to make jokes. So you're going to have to do it yourself:



I've almost done the work for you.
at

16 comments:

  1. Anonymous7/12/2006 12:05 AM

    My God...where to start?
    First of all, I love the fact that he actually has a little cupboard where he keeps his souvenirs, and I especially love that a rope is one of them. What kind of adventure does rope remind him of?
    And is Jimmy sleeping? He looks really coy, like his plan has worked!
    Or maybe I'm just reading too much into it. Or, most likely, I'm drunk.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous7/12/2006 12:14 AM

    On top of all that, Jimmy seems to be in a Superman costume himself. Look at those boots! those are not normal attire for anyone.
    Yeah, i think i'm drunk too.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous7/12/2006 12:24 AM

    Looks like Jimmy's at the end of his rope! Haha!

    I'm so alone.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Mark W. Hale7/12/2006 12:26 AM

    ... in a story we had to call:

    "STEPPING OUT OF THE CLOSET OF SOLITUDE!"

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous7/12/2006 12:29 AM

    i thought that was aquaman. before i read it.

    wrong homosexual overtones... my mistake.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Dorian7/12/2006 3:05 AM

    Ready to Rumble is a fantastic film, and David Arquette is the best actor in...well, his family. You just can't appreciate the finer things in life, Sims!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Brandon Bragg7/12/2006 4:41 AM

    "What adventure does rope remind him of?"

    --"The Bondage Lords of Kraalak" World's Finest #163

    ReplyDelete
  8. Phil Looney7/12/2006 8:27 AM

    The first 15 minutes of Ready to Rumble are funny - it has Macho Man wrestling in a convience store - how do you not like that?

    After that, they try to add a plot, and it all goes down hill. Somethings are better without plot.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous7/12/2006 8:50 AM

    I thought that was Aquaman as well, kyle h.

    I love that Superman actually puts a title card above his souvenir cupboard so he doesn't forget, or so when guests come by, they can mosey on over to the cupboard and have a look while he's getting the drinks.

    ReplyDelete
  10. googum7/12/2006 9:30 AM

    So Superman doesn't care who sees his rope?

    Anyway, I was going to go the other way; and Supes was going to tie Jimmy down so maybe he could have five friggin' minutes without Olsen getting turned into a giant ape, ripped off by a swami, or made pope.

    Wait: Jimmy would just use his signal watch the moment he woke up. Yeah, restart the bondage jokes, sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Canton7/12/2006 2:06 PM

    Superman's been taking lessons from Wonder Woman, hasn't he?

    ReplyDelete
  12. Anonymous7/12/2006 3:38 PM

    The best part of Ready to Rumble is the soundtrack, and only for Dweezil and Ahmet Zappa's cover of "Hit Me Baby One More Time".

    Unfortunately, my copy of that CD was residing in my car stereo when it was stolen several years ago, and for some strange reason I can't find another copy anywhere...

    ReplyDelete
  13. Anonymous7/12/2006 8:41 PM

    I can't decided if I like Superman's apartment or not. I'm also confused. Does he have two apartments, one for Clark Kent and one for Supes? I mean, wouldn't people wonder why Kent has a cupboard full of Superman's souvenirs? Of course, this is also the reality that never notices Kent shuffling off right before Superman always appears, so maybe I'm asking a ridiculous question.
    I'm going to start labeling everything in my apartment. Tom's Dishes, Tom's Empty Cupboard, Major Anger's Closet of DOOM!
    Major Anger is my superhero alter ego. He mostly sits around drinking and posting increasingly bizarre comments on websites. Unlike me.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Chris Sims7/12/2006 8:52 PM

    Chris's Invincible Super-Blog:

    Bringing together superhero bondage fetishists and wrestling movie afficionados since January 2005    .

    Who knew?

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anonymous7/12/2006 9:03 PM

    I like that Superman keeps heavy rope as a souvenir instead of say, in a utility closet.

    Batman keeps giant pennies to commemorate his adventures. Superman? Just plain ol' rope.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anonymous7/13/2006 10:09 AM

    I've decided that the look on Superman's face is pure, unadulterated hate. Hate for Jimmy. Am I wrong?

    ReplyDelete