Tonight, though, I am compelled to make an exception by reader Ralph Burns, who emailed me something that I consider to be the single greatest piece of art ever produced by the hands of men.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...
And now, my commentary:
0:01: If there's one thing we simply do not see enough of in today's modern comics, it's Batman hanging out on a windy suburban rooftop in the middle of the day.
0:55: Little known fact? The Batcave's state-of-the-art training center is actually designed to look like the back lot of a local Hardee's, in order to simulate battle conditions. Seriously, it's in 'Tec #433. Look it up.
1:12: OWNED.
1:27: This is the single greatest line in anything, ever:
2:28: Your eyes do not deceive you: This is basically the best fight scene since The Octagon
, and it all ends with Batman hugging someone until they are knocked out.2:25: Oh man. Oh man. Just the way he runs! This is genius.
3:25: Mark my words, folks: In twenty years, the Joker and Two Face are going to seem like also-rans when you stack them next to Hoodie Guy With A Tree Branch. Just listen to the terror in Batman's voice!
3:57-4:09: ...Or as I like to call it, the greatest shot in the history of film.
4:20: Remember, kids! When struck in the head by the twirling cane of a madman in cargo pants, just walk it off!
5:00: Yes, the Riddler is cawing like a rooster. No, I have no idea why. Yes, it is hilarious.
5:15: Whoa! Apparently Robin took that comment about his balls a little harder than anyone expected! Good thing Batman's there to set him straight!
See? In every way, a masterpiece. And on the off-chance that you're still standing, allow me to blow your mind one more time:
There's a sequel. And it involves both the most fantastic Commissioner Gordon ever, Robin stealing a dog, and a few close contenders for the second best line in anything, ever.
Believe it!
Fuck yeah. I can't even believe this exists.
ReplyDelete"No Robin... we'll leave him for the police. That's justice. And be sure to leave him his weapon so he can escape before they get here."
ReplyDeleteCan do!
Word verification - "gnohdfnv" - which really should have been splashed across the scene when Hoodie Guy swatted Bats with the branch: GNOHDFNV!
Why isn't this called Defenders Of the Mid-Afternoon? Riddle me that.
ReplyDeleteHoly Fuckity Fuck... what the hell was that?
ReplyDeleteTo be fair to the filmmakers, however, there is no way anyone would look at that Batman and think "Yep... that has to be millionaire playboy Bruce Wayne. Only he would fight crime in sweat pants that extravagant." Well played, Thrift Store Vigilante.
It's like seeing God's skidmarks.
ReplyDelete"Where are you Robin? It's been too long since I've heard from you.
ReplyDeleteThere must be something up."
Giggling like a schoolgirl, dude.
I'm not sure which made my brain swell more, Wayne Manor-cum-efficiency apartment or when "Batman" and "Robin" were holding hands while walking off into the sunset. Sweet Christmas, someone should find these guys and either give them better-paying jobs or kill them. Otherwise, there's a chance they'll do another one and destroy humanity.
ReplyDeleteThe sequel is, quite possibly, the best movie I have seen on all of You Tube.
ReplyDelete"This house looks like it's been broken into"
"Those dogs are angry, Robin must have done something here"
"This is where Robin's been hidden. That thug told me."
Robin finished of his Roof Thug first-- then saved Batman from Tree-Branch Guy-- then made the comeback for the save against Riddler.
ReplyDeleteBatman: Worst combatant ever, or best fight-trainer of tighty-greeny wearing sidekicks ever?
After watching that sequel, I think I never need to hear the phrase "old chum" ever again!
ReplyDeleteSeriously though, thanks Chris!
I'm sitting here literally shaking and crying with laughter. It was the way Joker looks down to make sure his crotch isn't touching Batman's when he's choking him; the way Batman finishes him off with a vicious "ooosh" near the back of the head; and then Joker caws, "Cawd Damn!"
ReplyDeleteCan a piece of satire truly be this subtle and knowing? Or are these guys just the biggest 'tards in suburbia?
Oh, this was terribly, horribly, UTTERLY magnificent in its sheer ineptitude.
ReplyDeleteI have to say that I love the Riddler, especially the way that he runs.
For an acrobat, Robin sure seems to get winded just climbing up a wall or through a skylight.
When they walk hand-in-hand into the sunset though, it just brings a tear to your eye. And then they danced the batusi at the end!
Genius!
Agreed Mutt. The fight at the end with added punching sound effects-- "Booosh!".
ReplyDeleteSo sweet.
This is great!!!
ReplyDeleteCheck out Renegade's BS
Oh cawd, I just watched the sequal. They actually did this out in public where people could see them! Them's balls.
ReplyDeletebtw How could I type a whole comment thinking Riddler and typing Joker? Sad.
The steely towers of Gotham are what amaze me! Genius indeed! Now we can all identify!
ReplyDeleteI actually had to stop watching at the beginning when Batman struggled a little to stand up from a kneeling position. If the rest of it is funnier than that, I'd need to discontinue my meds and plunge into a deep depression to watch it without dying of laughter.
ReplyDeleteHas any conversation captured the Gordon/Batman dynamic as well as this?
ReplyDeleteGordon: Whew, you startled me!
Batman: I didn't mean to startle you.
Man, the sequel is even better. Well, longer.
You know, if Man With Tree Branch and the astounding tag team of Smug Card Player and His Cautiously Optimistic Pal ever join forces, Gotham is doomed.
ReplyDeleteWhy couldn't Shumaker's "Batman and Robin" have been this good?
ReplyDeleteWait, is Sims Batman or Robin?
ReplyDeleteThat couldn't have been any better.
ReplyDeletethis is just too amazing :D
ReplyDeletedamn funny!!!!!!!!
just saw the sequel -
ReplyDelete"where's Robin?"
"dunno"
"where's Robin?"
"dunno"
"where's Robin?"
"in the warehouse by the water"
- Best Interrogation Ever
I couldn't stand the first minute, but it got better and better, retroactively making every spent second exponentially better.
ReplyDeleteI hope they didn't intend to make it funny. I hope that they were making a real film.
If the shot of Robin's crotch as he's crawling up the side of the bridge (or whatever it is) doesn't settle the vast internet debate of what a softie buldge looks like in spandex, then nothing will.
ReplyDeleteSix minutes of my life that I will never, ever, get back.
ReplyDeleteThe second films' dock-side warehouse is absolutley priceless. No contractor in Gotham will spare the expense of adding columns and statues to even the most utilitarian of buildings.
ReplyDelete"we actually did it, AHOLE chum?"
ReplyDeleteExcuse me?
Good heavens! I enjoyed that much more than I should have. I guess it's because I was once a 12 year old boy.
ReplyDeleteDoes Batman have a slight speech impediment?
Yes, the "AHOLE old chum' was the final touch of awesomeness.
ReplyDeleteOK, I'm very glad the AHOLE CHUM was not a figment of my imagination, and if it was, at least it's a mass hallucination.
ReplyDeleteAs for the videos, they are indeed magnificent. Part of me desperately wants them to be doing this as a tongue in cheek funny funny, but there's really an added dimension to the story if it's a serious effort. For better or worse.
It's so bad it is wonderful...
ReplyDeleteLuckily for us they have a camera and internet connection.
-sob
StateOfBrain.com
Just watched the sequel:
ReplyDeleteRobin: Batman, you're a great hand-to-hand combat fighter.
Batman: You're not so bad yourself.
Pure genius.
Truly, they have mastered the wide angled shot. Next, they must figure out just what editing and sound are.
ReplyDelete[i]"Why isn't this called Defenders Of the Mid-Afternoon? Riddle me that."[/i]
ReplyDeleteBecause then it wouldn't work for the Broadway musical version that is sure to come:
Hearing is believing,
Riddler is deceiving,
Hard as lightning, soft as Robin's tights,
Dare you trust Defenders of the Night...
It was very courteous of the Riddler to wait patiently while Batman, the world's greatest athlete, and Robin, a trained circus acrobat from boyhood, took eight frickin' minutes to climb up a wall and over a railing. Courtesy's an overlooked quality in master criminals, dontcha think?
ReplyDeleteI say the hell with Bale and Nolan - these are the guys who should be making "The Dark Knight."
The first episode is filmed in the Presidio in San Francisco - the "bridge" leads to a tennis court behind an abandoned hospital.
ReplyDeleteThe 2nd 'sode is at Palace of Legion of Honor - you see a SF MUNI bus go past before the interrogation starts.
This truly is the money melon of cinematography.
Not the suburbs, that looks like it was filmed in the Presidio of San Francisco http://tinyurl.com/yp4x3b
ReplyDeleteand for the love of pete - (2nd episode) what is with Robin's first attempt to kidnap a Bichon? He breaks in, he comes out, he goes back in, he BARELY emerges with a dog...he passes Batman on his way out...
ReplyDeletethe tension is withering.
that, and the laundry on the floor of Gordon's office.
old chum...p
If these guys do not, at the bare minimum cameo in The Dark Knight, then the world will have lost something beautiful.
ReplyDeleteIt's Kourosh Rahimpour! Rawk!
ReplyDeleteNo. Way.
ReplyDeleteI can't even watch the whole sequel yet. The first minute and a half - oh I can't take it...
The tragic brilliance. Or brilliant tragedy. Mwah!
I believe that's "We actually did it, EH, OLD CHUM?" not "We actually did it, A-hole Chum."
ReplyDeleteBut I can see why people would think that.
In the sequel at the 1:41 mark, when Gordon says, "Ware gonhavta breng em in, thays no utha choice" has to be the funniest thing I've seen in a long long time. 5 minutes later and the tears are still pouring out of my eyes.
ReplyDeleteI liked the part w/The Joker
ReplyDeletehow appropriate that the keyframe is a toilet.
ReplyDeleteI've seen the future of film, and it has a sequel!
ReplyDeleteCuriously, if Chris ever gets around to labeling his old posts, this won't even be the first one to earn the "violence via tree branch" label.
ReplyDeleteThe first one is debatable. In the second, they seem to have gone over to the camp side of the force. Gordon waving that file folder with its clumsy hand lettering? The fake Robin suddenly sprouting a beard? Climbing into a public sculpture and finding an entire office building inside?
ReplyDeleteI think they overplayed their hand a bit.
But hey, didja hear about the Sergeant at Ft Eustis, VA, who made one of his subordinates dress up as Superman and simulate sex acts? It's at bOINGbOING.
Funny, very vunny. And fucking terrible.
ReplyDeleteWow... I'm going to have to go to a nudie bar at lunch to wash the gay off.
ReplyDeleteSweet Adidas, Robin.
ReplyDeleteI love it that Batman molests a man into submission. Now thats grim and gritty.
ReplyDeleteCommissioner Gordon deserves an oscar. Damn near wet meself watching him.
Oh. My. God. That was amazing. I cannot accurately describe how amazing that was.
ReplyDeleteIt took Batman and Robin 5 minutes to climb that wall and Riddler's just standing there twirling his cane like a goof. Lol.
I just enjoyed that with a drink in my hand and tears streaming down my face. Truly incredible. I couldn't breathe when I was watching Robin trying to scale that wall. What a useless sidekick.
ReplyDeleteAnd your commentary was hilarious.
All the scene is in daytime, yet it's called "Defenders Of The Night" Simply hillarious.
ReplyDeleteReally good stuff.
I'm completely lost for words!
ReplyDeleteGenius!
I could be mistaken, but this looks like it was shot in the Presidio in San Francisco, in the apartment complexes just up the hill from Baker Beach. I lived there for a while and there were definitely the kind of kids about who would end up making something like this. Freakin' hilarious.
ReplyDeleteOk for me the best part is in the sequal when Batman unmasks the fake Robin and all of a sudden he's 30lbs heavier, wearing black pants, and has a goatee. I didn't know a little green face mask could conseal so much. God bless the internet.
ReplyDeleteWow. At the end there, I swear I could hear Rod Stewart singing "Tonight's the Night." Oh, Boy Wonder, if you knew what you were in for...
ReplyDeleteJust because man can doesn't necessarily mean man should. Another example of art which supports Ted Kasinski's (the unibomber) thesis on the consequences of mankind's misapplication of technology. Still a better representation of the dark knight than Clooney's though..... Kind of like Adam West crossed with Pee Wee Herman crossed with Steven Hawking. Finally art which strips camp of it gay sense of style and leaves it only with it's core lameness.... Bravo?
ReplyDeleteDefinitely "Eh, old chum." Don't you guys remember Bob and Doug McKenzie?
ReplyDeleteTwo words: microphone wind screen.
ReplyDeleteThis was actually better than Batman and Robin.
ReplyDeleteThere's a new one. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tpr_yzwXqHw
ReplyDeleteThis commentary is great. Sweatpants Batman should win an Oscar, with best supporting actor going to Hooded Thug.
ReplyDeleteThis was just about the great thing I have ever seen.
ReplyDeleteNow we know why there are no superheroes in the real world -- because they would look just that ridiculous.
nyahahaha! its funny! :))
ReplyDeletetim
Nice video!
ReplyDeleteRegards
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Exactly for this reason I have hated Robin since ever, he is so stupid, also he always has needed Batman to resolve the problems. This character is the worst DC Comics creation.
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