The Weirdest Thing I Saw Today

First things first: The boycott of Wizard World Atlanta has pretty much assured that HeroesCon '06 is going to be awesome. You may remember, gentle reader, that I was way too drunk and angry to enjoy this past one, but with Warren Ellis, who thrives on drunkenness and anger, in attendance, I'm already crazy excited.

So, I'd like to take this opportunity to formally announce that I'll be boycotting WWA as well. So assuming my story for Gone to Texas is done by next Summer, you know where to find me. I'll be the one trying desperately to get in.

Anyway, onto tonight's alleged hilarity.

Today I saw a one-armed man with a porn-star handlebar moustache riding a peppermint-colored moped on the way to lunch.

And that was not the weirdest thing I saw today. And neither was the Cap'n's new haircut, which serves to lend him an air of credibility right up until he opens his mouth.

No, the honor goes to a set of Smallville DVDs that I saw while I was over at Radical C's tonight. I'd gone over to discuss philosophy and the politics of the day (read: to get hamburgers and talk about how awesome Justice League was this weekend), and the box on the table caught my eye.

Now I'm a typical American consumer and I work in a comic book store, so it's fair to say that I've seen the box before. I'm reasonably familiar with what it looks like, so I was pretty surprised to see a wifebeater drawn by hand onto Tom Welling's chest in magic marker.

Now Chad's a doodler. He works Wednesday nights, and I can't come in on Thursday morning without seeing a picture of a t-shirt wearing ape or somesuch, but still, this seemed a little extreme. And what's more, it begged the question.

Well, I'm the guy who struck up a conversation about mortuary science with the director of my grandmother's funeral as she was being buried, so it's fair to say that I'm not the sort that lets a begged question go unasked. The answer, however, was worth it.

Chad got the DVD from a friend of his that insisted he watch it, and when he got the DVD, he asked the same question I did: What's up with Clark's sharpie wifebeater?

"Man, I got tired of looking at some dude's bare chest," the guy replied.

"But look," Chad said to me as he explained the story, "The way he drew it on there, it's a tight black halter top! He gave Tom Welling a belly-shirt!"

And Great Rao, it was.