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Monday, August 15, 2005

William Shakespeare's Trapped in the Closet, Act I, Scene 1

[A bedchamber. Sylvester lays upon the bed.]

SYLVESTER: Hark! What hour is this? Seven bells! 'Pon my troth, I should be gone to mine own bed hours before. 'Tis the grape of Dinoysus that has brought me to this state!

[Enter Catharina]

CATHARINA: Ah, thou art awake!

SYLVESTER: Who is this who enters in such dress? What sins have I commited hence? Get thee from my path, woman, for I must take my leave!

CATHARINA: No, my good lord!

SYLVESTER: Woman, though I have shared thy bed, thy house is not mine own! I depart from thy door, and from thy sight forever.

CATHARINA: Though this house be not yours, mark you well! Its true master doth come upon the stairs!

SYLVESTER: What ho? The window, then!

CATHARINA: Be you a bird? I see no feathers!

SYLVESTER: Fie! Fortune, thou art a slattern.

CATHARINA: Quickly, hide thyself within the closet! Make not the slightest noise, lest violence come upon you!

SYLVESTER: Thou art mad!

CATHARINA: Hark! He comes!

SYLVESTER: [Moves to closet] Hide me well, lest thine own neck be stretched!

[Enter Rufus]

RUFUS: My dearest love!

CATHARINA: Noble Rufus! Long have I waited for you to return to my embrace!

RUFUS: And I thine, my love. I' faith, thy form is sweeter in my sight than that of noble Pallas herself.

CATHARINA: And thine own like unto great Hyperion.

[They kiss]

SYLVESTER: [Aside] Truly her actions do bespeak a decietful heart, though by Jove I canst scarcely discern the truth myself.

RUFUS: What ho? A sound!

CATHARINA: Nay, my lord! 'Twas merely a mouse!

RUFUS: Aye, a rodent in human shape!

CATHARINA: Pray you, keep thy temper.

RUFUS: Thou hast made a cuckold of me! Villain, I shall seek you out!

[He searches]

RUFUS: Not in the alcove and not hidden 'neath thy wardrobe--aha!

SYLVESTER: [Aside] O damnable fool! [He draws] Woman ever was the downfall of man!

[Rufus throws open the closet door, from which Sylvester emerges]

RUFUS: For thy wanton pleasure, thou took no mouse,
'Tis man, no more, that doth profane my house.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

positively brillant.

8/16/2005 8:50 AM

Blogger Philip Looney said...


8/16/2005 8:54 AM

Blogger TripleEStar said...

You are insane!! I can't wait to read part 2.

8/16/2005 9:03 AM

Anonymous ABS said...

Going through your archive here. Hilarity!

6/05/2006 5:31 PM

Blogger Yining said...


3/18/2007 2:04 AM

Blogger michelle said...

too good. i want more

4/21/2007 11:05 AM

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12/13/2008 1:20 AM


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