Memoir From the Art Bar

Tonight, I experienced what may have been the single greatest moment of my life. And to my surprise, it happened at the Art Bar.

I was there to see the One Night Only Re-Reunion of Columbia's #1 Gay Metal Band, Confederate Fagg. The opening act was Columbia's #2 Gay Metal Band, the Carolina Glamcocks, who, oddly enough, looked exactly like the Fagg, but wearing different costumes. Regardless, they rocked me as hard as I've ever been rocked before, to the point where I had to take a break from rocking out after they played "You Got Another Thing Comin'" in the middle of the show. I had shot my rock wad, so to speak. Fortunately, by the time they busted out "Breaking the Law," I was back in action, which proves one thing:

Judas Priest frigg'n rocks.

But yeah, it was a great show. To give you an idea of how awesome it was, I'll just say this: At one point I was rocking out while standing next to a girl who was wearing a chainmail bikini top.

The flipside to that particular coin, of course, was the second most unconvincing transvestite I've ever seen in my life. I mean, really. You know that Saturday Night Live sketch where The Rock is in drag? Yeah, like that. Except he was totally unmoving, like some sort of transvestite monolith in a PVC Catcher's Chest Protector.

That's Chris's Invincible Super-Blog: Now the #1 Google Result for "Transvestite Monolith."

Anyway, it was a great time.

I'd gotten there at around a quarter to ten, and no sooner had I walked in than I caught the eye of John, a customer at the store, who was already well on his way to the magical land of inebriation. He called me over, and introduced me to one of his friends, saying "This guy's the only one who supports my Deadpool addiction. Lemme buy you a drink!"

Well how the heck was I supposed to say no to that? It's not every day you get a free drink for working in a comic book store. So I took my whiskey sour and John introduced me to the rest of his crew: Marshall, who said he'd fight anyone who disparaged the good name of Ghost Rider; Drew, who bought an issue of Brian K. Vaughan Swamp Thing but hasn't read the Alan Moore run; Metal Tim, who apparently really likes metal; and Evil Kevin (not to be confused with BeaucoupKevin).

"This fucker's the most evil kid you'll ever meet," said Marshall as John made the introductions. "One day the US is gonna declare war on him for oil."

"Yeah?" I asked. "You got a lot of oil?"

"No, but I do own five million shares of a diamond mine that's being investigated by the SEC," said Evil Kevin.

"That's a hundred percent true," said Marshall, although by this time everyone was pretty drunk, so who knows?

I spent the next hour talking comics with a group of guys that I don't usually talk about comics with, which was a lot of fun, but not nearly as fun as when John turned to me and said "Hey man... You ever play HeroQuest?"

"Hell yeah I play HeroQuest! I love that game!"

There are few things in my life that I have enjoyed more than seeing a grown man, no matter how drunk, yelling out "THE BARBARIAN IS FUCKING AWESOME!" in the middle of a crowded bar. The memory of it brings a tear of joy to my eye.

But that wasn't the best moment of my entire life, although to be honest, it might be up there.

That moment came later, when I finally saw Tug, Josh, Heather and MG3 arrive. I got up to go over and talk to them, and a girl sitting at a table near the door grabbed MG3 and said: "Hey... is that Chris Sims?"

He told her it was, and I reached out to shake her hand. "Hi!" she said. "I'm Valerie! I love your NPR Trading Cards!"

It was awesome.

My friends over at RobLindsey.com had given her the address, and she's been my friend over on MySpace for a few weeks, but I'd never actually met her before tonight.

I don't know if she knows it, but being recognized in public for something I'd created may just have been the best moment of my life.