No, I Think That's a Terrible Idea

You ever have one of those days where you're having a dream where one of your old college professors tells you not to hit on this girl because she might be 17, and then you both get on a double-decker bus with fold-out seats mounted to the walls and go see "The Aristocrats" at the theater in the mall, but then you wake up when your boss calls you to tell you you're an hour late to work?

No? Just me? Figures.

Regardless, that's how my day began, and it didn't get any less strange as it went on.

Between finishing up Spiral-Bound and knocking out Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, I got what might be the strangest phone call I've ever gotten at work.

First, though, a quick word about what I read: Spiral-Bound was impeccable. It's the kind of all-ages comic that people have been wanting for years, with fun characters having neat little adventures and a scene where townsfolk almost feed someone to a monster. Get it. Scott Pilgrim Volume 2, on the other hand, cemented my theory hat in the future, the word "Pilgrim" will replace "awesome" in the vocabularies of schoolchildren. Keep in mind that I also predicted that River City Ransom would become the focus of a major religion by 2015, so take that with a grain of salt. It's awesome, though.

Back to the phone call. Keep in mind as you read this that this is a direct translation, and the guy spoke with a sense of urgency that made it seem like the lives of a busload of third graders depended on my answer.

Ring-a-ding-ding. "Wizards and Villains."

"Did you or anyone you know see the recent edition of 20/20 with Lynda Carter?"

I have to admit, the fact that he launched straight into the question took me aback. "Uh, no, sir, not that I know of."

"Not that you know of. Well do you know of anyone that I could get a tape of it from?"

"I don't believe so."

"You don't believe so. Thanks." Click.

One of the things you get working at a comic book store is that a lot of people come in and want to talk about movies, like a) we have special access to information that they don't, and b) we care. And I've had to deal with a lot of people who write the ol' fan-fiction, too. But this is the first time I've ever had to deal with someone whose Wonder Woman fetish was so strong they had to call a place of business to find a VHS copy of an interview on an ABC News program about The Dukes of Hazzard.

I'm speculating on his reasons, of course, but tell me the facts add up to anything else.

There was once a guy from New Jersey whose power went out for several hours, and he was calling comic book stores all the way down the East Coast to see if someone could tape WWE's Monday Night Raw for him and send him the tape. I wonder if it was the same guy.

Later, after I'd had an occasion to realize that The Cap'n's new haircut makes him look suspiciously like a fatter, cockeyed version of current Undersecretary of State John Bolton (coincidence? I think not.), the Lynda Carter thing was topped as the Weirdest Question I've Ever Gotten.

Guy walks in--to a comic book store, mind you--holding a home ear piercing kit with a massive price-sticker reading "CLEARANCE" on it and walks up to the counter.

"Hey, man," he says to me, holding up the package, "you think it'd be all right if I did this myself?"