Romance Special: Wonder Girl's Creepy Husband
Ah, romance! Yes, friends, it's Febrary, the Month of Love. And what better way to celebrate the lead-up to Valentine's Day here on the ISB by pouring all of my bitterness into a few of the Worst Comics Relationships of All Time. And what better way to kick things off than with the creepeist Significant Other in the history of comics:
Terry, for those of you who don't know, managed to hook up with--and eventually marry--foxy young Amazon Donna Troy despite being a complete and utter creepy loser.
Sound a bit harsh? Let's take a look at the facts. According to his Who's Who entry, Terry is a divorced ex-college professor who was unable to gain tenure due to severe writer's block. As of November of 1988, he was working in a bookstore with plans to write a book on mythology.
Failed marriage, fired from his job for slacking off, and working retail with vague plans to become a writer. You know this guy. He shops at my store, and he's totally into Spawn. And yet, allow me to stress this one more time, he marries Donna Troy.
Apparently, the DC Universe has absolutely no concept of being "out of one's league."
Even more than that, though, the guy's just a creep. Every single comic I've read where he appears, he ends up awkwardly hitting on Starfire with a quiet "just puttin' it out there" sort of desperation, often while Donna's in the room. Stuff like: "Hey, Kory, you sure do fill out that swimsuit! Maybe the three of us could head out to the hot tub and start making out with each other--HA-HA, I'm just kidding (but not really)."
Three panels of that guy, and you'll never feel truly clean again. It's probably just his afro and porn-star beard, but throw in his sweaty come-ons to Starfire and he starts giving off a vibe that makes him seem like a pedophile. I'm sure it just comes from the fact that he's trying to fit in with Donna's cool friends, but the fact that he's a former professor and she appears in a book called Teen Titans sure doesn't help matters much.
And apparently, I'm not the only one who thinks so. The Who's Who Update in which Terry's creepy ass appears features a wraparound cover by Ty Templeton depicting Ma and Pa Kent throwing a barbeque for all the DCU supporting characters. And who should be enjoying a hamburger out back but creepy-ass Terry himself. Have a look:
Even Maxwell Lord, who shot Blue Beetle in the head and made Superman hallucinate the murder of his own wife, is totally creeped out. That's a pose that says "Get the fuck away from me, you creepy little man." An appropriate and understandable reaction, considering that he's wearing a blue and yellow polka-dotted speedo and a longsleeve green polo shirt.
No wonder General Eiling looks like he's about to beat his ass on general principle.
Tug's pet theory about this little slice-of-life is that Max was so disturbed by this encounter that once he was the head of Checkmate, he arranged Terry's fatal "accident."
Donna Troy, what the hell were you thinking?
And Scott wonders why I get the feeling he's a pedophile. And yes, I'm fully aware that that's his daughter, but really: It's about as heartwarming as John Bult's classic album, "Julie's Sixteenth Birthday." All it needs is half a cigarette.