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Friday, November 03, 2006

The Great Slacker Weekend Question Contest

If you've been reading the same blogs I read, it might've come to your attention that November is apparently "Let's All Stop Writing Our Blogs For A While" month--although to be fair, that trendsetter Devon from Seven Hells kicked everything off last month, back before it was cool--and as we all know, I'm not one to let a theme week pass by without contributing.

Yes, as I'm sure you've noticed from the somewhat erratic schedule of "daily" posts this month, I'm in desperate need of a break, and in order to give myself some breathing room and concentrate on a few other projects that I'm working on, some of which will result in me getting actual money, I'm going to go ahead and take the weekend off from the daily grind of comics blogging.

But! Never let it be said that I left you guys hanging. So, in order to keep you assorted hangers-on around while I slack off for a few days, I'm taking a page from Kevin's book (along with Dave Lartigue's excellent offer) and opening up the floor for the first-ever "Ask Me A Question And I'll Give You Some Stuff" contest!

The rules are simple: In the comments section of this post, ask me a question before I come back on... let's say Tuesday. I'll dredge up some answers, post them here, and while Kevin only offered a critically acclaimed graphic novel, I'm giving you something even better.

That's right: I will personally scribble my name on a copy of CRACKED Magazine #2, draw a stick-figure picture of a super-hero of your choosing, stick 'em in an envelope with some guaranteed-awesome back issues, and mail them directly to your home.

It'll be like having me in your house, only slightly less creepy! So get to it, cretins! The longer I'm here, the longer Bully goes unplayed!

Uh... I mean... unwritten. Because I'm working. On those articles.



Blogger Kevin Church said...

Tigra or Cheetara?

11/04/2006 12:08 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Beta Ray Bill is an alien, a cyborg, and an 80's Icon....but why does he have a skeletal horses face?

And if I win, I'll take a picture of Black Bolt because he has Kirby Dots coming out of his head, which is how all the mightiest of the mighty should roll.

11/04/2006 12:15 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have a two-part question:

1) Did you see that Spider-Man where he hits the Juggernaut with a tanker truck full of gasoline and blows up a neighborhood in the middle of Manhattan?
2) Didn't that f@(#*$&g ROCK?!?!

Also, could I have a drawing of Punisher sticking a shotgun in Ghost Rider's mouth and pulling the trigger?

But only if it's Johnny Blaze Ghost Rider. The other guy sucks.

11/04/2006 12:44 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Could Lockjaw clamp down on Mjolnir hard enough to prevent it returning to Thor?

11/04/2006 12:48 AM

Blogger shakasulu said...

Have you ever seen the live action Cromartie High School movie?

If so will you ever review it...in this very blog?

11/04/2006 1:03 AM

Blogger Earth-2 Leigh said...

If ASBAR and Trials of Shazam are both hilariously 'gritty' and over-the-top, does it matter if only one of them is supposed to be funny?

11/04/2006 1:11 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

What work in the history of all comicdom would you say has the largest gap between the quality of the comic and the quality of its creative team?

Could be the best comic by bad artists, or the worst comic by great artists. Your pick.

11/04/2006 1:53 AM

Blogger LurkerWithout said...

Greatest kick to the face? Ever?

11/04/2006 2:55 AM

Blogger Ben said...

Fact: The Punisher does not appear in Marvel: Ultimate Alliance for PS2.
Question: Why does God hate me?

11/04/2006 3:00 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Chris
Always wanted to ask you this: you know those encounters wolverine has with punisher that never end in a satisfying way (they mutilate each other then shake hands or something) well, I remember that once in a special they both fight and then wolverine finds out the punisher has a bag full playgirl-esque magazines and then scoots off in embarrassment.
Please tell me this comic exists (I think its mid 90's) so my soul can go to that better place in peace.

11/04/2006 3:23 AM

Blogger Steven Hardina said...

If Didio and Quesada each said "Pick any property we've got and you're the new writer for it", what would you pick?

11/04/2006 3:51 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Chris
Always wanted to ask you this: you know those encounters wolverine has with punisher that never end in a satisfying way (they mutilate each other then shake hands or something) well, I remember that once in a special they both fight and then wolverine finds out the punisher has a bag full playgirl-esque magazines and then scoots off in embarrassment.
Please tell me this comic exists (I think its mid 90's) so my soul can go to that better place in peace.

Dear Anonymous,

this comic exists. It was written by Frank Tieri, as a response to Garth Ennis's savage ridicule of Wolverine in Punisher vol.4 (the volume just prior to the current Marvel MAX Punisher) #16 and 17. These Punisher issues were cover dated Nov. and Dec. 2002. A few months later, Frank Tieri decided to return the favour in his monthly Woverine in the way you described. I don't know which issue that is. And I know that such knowledge makes me a bad boy!!

11/04/2006 5:39 AM

Blogger Gordon D said...


Why isn't there more punching in comics?

11/04/2006 6:22 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why didn't you pick me as the winner of your contest?


11/04/2006 7:19 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you were bonded to a disembodied head that only you could see and talk to, who would you want as your Prof. Stein?

11/04/2006 7:26 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who is the most famous and popular superhero that you personally feel is a waste of space?

11/04/2006 7:45 AM

Blogger SallyP said...

Oh Chris, you just go off and do whatever it is that you do, and I'll just sit here quietly knitting...knitting your name along with all the OTHER names!
(insert evil laughter)

11/04/2006 8:23 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

who does a girl have to screw to get a free comic around here??

p.s. please please please draw a Monkey Joe stick squirrel

11/04/2006 9:08 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was reading some comic blog the other day and it posited the theory that due to the insular nature of the superhero comic book industry, it is only a matter of time before Marvel and DC become the same thing.

Which made me think...Can Batman and Luke Cage coexist in the same world? And if so, what happens when they run out of thugs to brutally wreck and then sass?

11/04/2006 9:34 AM

Blogger Shon Richards said...

What reccomended music do you suggest as the soundtrack for your blog?

11/04/2006 10:19 AM

Blogger Kevin said...

Deathmatch between Robert Kanigher, Bob Haney and Bill Mantlo. Who would win and what spectacularly crazy thing would they do to win?

11/04/2006 10:35 AM

Blogger JG said...

Question the first: How much money do you spend on comics in the run of a month? I bet it's way more than any other bill you have.

Question the second: Since you buy so many comics, where do you put them? Do you have a Scrooge McDuck like Comic Bank where you can go swimming in 4 color newsprint? a vault-like cavern where a large robotic arm can retrive any back issue in seconds? or do you just leave them around the house and find other uses for them like propping up tables, convenient sources of kindling, or increasing your fiber intake?

Question the third: what smells worse: Tony Stark after flying around in a 100+lbs suit of armour all day (pre-climate controlled suit), the Batcave with its tons and tons of guano, or Venom's breath?

11/04/2006 10:39 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do you have any plans to review Captain America #350? I've probably mentioned it to you before, but trust me, it's one of the greatest, over the top Cap stroies done by the Gruenwald.

And always remember....

Red Skull Kills Cosplayers!

11/04/2006 10:48 AM

Blogger Brandon Bragg said...

Super-expensive Dr. Doom replica costume, jetpack and laser pistol included?


Lifesize remote-controlled Devil Dinosaur that you could ride around on?

11/04/2006 12:27 PM

Blogger Norrin2 said...

If the original Green Lantern was powerless against wood, how did he handle unwanted erections?

11/04/2006 1:46 PM

Blogger Hate Filled Poster said...

Multi insano question time!!!

1!)If you could make up the ultimate super team from any universe (comic, movie, whatever) who would you pick, why, and what would the team name be?

2!)Is Quick Kick your favorite G.I. Joe? I thought he might be because of all the kicking.

3!)In an unnoficial Marvel/DC crossover could Thor control Shazam's transformative lighting causing himself to be endowed with the powers of Shazam?

4!)What's better, a punch or kick to the face?

5!)Who is "The Man" and why does he deserve the title?

11/04/2006 3:19 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you could only do one once in your entire life, which would you choose?

Dragon Punch or Flash Kick?

11/04/2006 6:00 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, I almost signed off without the one thing I've been wondering for for nearly an entire age of man:

Who would win Hulk or Juggernaut?

11/04/2006 6:26 PM

Blogger Mark W. Hale said...

Who would win in a fight, the Hulk or the overpowering sense of dread that Rob Liefeld could be hired to draw your favorite series?

11/04/2006 7:38 PM

Blogger Randall Kirby said...

What IS the deal with airline food?

11/04/2006 8:43 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

But what are your thoughts on yaoi?

11/04/2006 8:50 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why the eff is Blade in Ultimate Alliance?

11/04/2006 9:20 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who iis more ridiculous, B'Wana Beast or Batroc the Leaper?

11/04/2006 10:21 PM

Blogger David Campbell said...

Space Cruiser Yamato vs Darth Vader's Super Star Destroyer Executor: who ya got?

11/04/2006 10:24 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Two questions...

[1] Some folks tell me that US comics are losing steady ground to Japanese titles, and that manga is the future of the industry. Does this mean that I'm going to have to get to like comics about 14-year-olds falling in love while their spooky younger siblings vomit up centipedes and turn into snails? Or is their another option?

[2] In Union Jack #1, we got Batroc's Brigade. Then, UJ #2 upped the ante by bringing in Crossfire and his Death-Throws. Now, I'm racking my brain to think of who they could bring in next, should they want to continue this whole "B-list villains with D-list henchmen" angle. Seriously, is there a single band of badguys more awesomely lame than the goddamned Death-Throws? Wouldn't even the Ringmaster and the freaking Circus of Crime be a step up in quality right now?

11/05/2006 12:03 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

1. Do you watch "Heroes?"

2. If two superheroes were your parents, who would they be?

11/05/2006 12:39 AM

Blogger Ragnell said...

I can't believe no one else has asked this:

What is the meaning of life?

11/05/2006 12:42 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you had a band in Scott Pilgrim what 16 bit game woud they be named after?

11/05/2006 4:13 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

1. Who could win in a game of Parcheesi between Ego the Living Planet and Mogo the living Green Lantern planet?

2. What's the deal with airline peanuts?

3. If he wanted to, could Batman win on American Idol?


11/05/2006 8:39 AM

Blogger Tom Foss said...

I recently read your Shakespearean rendition of "Trapped in the Closet," and deemed it among the funniest things ever. So, will you transcribe the next chapter?

And if not, how about other authors' versions of other works? I'd love to see the utter confusion of James Joyce's "Seven Soldiers #1."

11/05/2006 1:01 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Answer me this?

If you're so damned busy "working", why then, sir, have you been spotted reading AND COMMENTING on other blogs?

[cough - Progressive Ruin - cough]




11/05/2006 1:57 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

How long before they run out of major super heros to make movies of and just start picking names out of a hat?

11/05/2006 4:09 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why do people like the Authority so much when the characters are two-dimensional, it doesn't address the implications of its premise, and the fight scenes are purfonctory and lacking in suspense.

11/05/2006 5:21 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

what does purfonctory mean?

11/05/2006 5:59 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

why in the name of Warren Ellis do you own so many Tarot comics?

11/05/2006 6:06 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

1- Is Bizarro World the weirdest, most cricketron-berserking concept ever to be advanced by comics?

2- What would Bizarro Chris be like?

11/05/2006 6:35 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

such a horrible time for us blog readers;
Dial B for Blog ends
the 4th Rail was already gone
Hypno Ray said he was quitting.
Dave's Long Box takes vacations
the fortress keeper hasn't reviewed much for nearly 3 weeks
The Absorbacon is witty with Golden Age Bondage but where's the review section?
and Devon's slacking.
C'mon Chris...you've been the one constant guy...don't stop now!

My buddy trent told me to start a blog. I did and it's already on hiatus.


11/05/2006 8:57 PM

Blogger Phil Looney said...

>>Can Batman and Luke Cage coexist in the same world?

Unquestionably. And it would be awesome. I await the Luke Cage/Batman book by Phil Looney and Bill Sienkiewicz.

And now for my question:

OMAC had to form a team of heroes to fight an unspeakable eveil - who would make up this new Justice League?

11/05/2006 9:39 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

What would Chuck Norris do now?

Okay, not really my question. There's so many of them already though I had to put something I knew would jump out at ya. When did you get all famous like with the so many people reading your blog?

Also not officially my question.

My official question is: Have you seen the Sword of Doom YET?

11/05/2006 11:07 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Keet

Let's open the lines of communication. Tell me about your emotions; what are you feeling right now?

11/05/2006 11:56 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've been reading your blog for months now, and I don't actually read any comics.

How lame does that make me?

11/06/2006 12:54 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

is the springfield monorail faster than the flash?

11/06/2006 4:10 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

where do babies come from?

11/06/2006 4:13 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why won't you return my calls?

11/06/2006 6:06 AM

Blogger S Bates said...

How did you know that offering free comics and a piece of awesome, original artwork would produce the greatest response to one of your blog posts evah?

And are you ashamed, and perhaps a little saddened, that you get more comments from a non-post like this than from one of your "proper" posts (with, you know, actual content, scans of awesome comics and, just maybe, a little humour)?

11/06/2006 6:14 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dammit! Why have you not done an overview on the greatest comic series of all time: "Skull the Slayer" - 8 whopping issues of Marvel madness with dinosaurs, aliens, Aztecs and - for two Marvel Two-In-One issues - Benjamin Grimm!
C'mon Chris! It's the bestest!!!!

11/06/2006 7:00 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh no, a huge stack of longboxes full of Good copies of 'Rom Spaceknight' has collapsed and crushed your body! Fortunately it's a Wednesday, and there's a mad scientist at your store ready to transplant your brain into a new body.

What body, m'friend? A super-ape? Luke Cage? A cyborg whale with laser cannons sprouting out of its blowholes?

11/06/2006 9:51 AM

Blogger Devon Sanders said...

Don't hate the playa, hate the game, Sims!


11/06/2006 11:03 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why are you playing Bully and not Marvel: Ultimate Alliance?

In MUA, why does Dr. Strange have hands the size of steam shovels?

The Punisher's old "diamond tipped fingernail" (which he used to cut through ropes that had him tied to the barrel of a huge cannon): Awesome instance of planning ahead or symbol of Frank's love of the bling?

11/06/2006 11:56 AM

Blogger Unknown said...

Which has more hilariously creepy sex scenes: Tarot: Witch of the Black Rose or Housewives at Play?

11/06/2006 1:19 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Chris, in the face of being so incredibly awesome - how do you stay humble?

11/06/2006 1:29 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Better man vs. tank fight:

The Midnighter in Afghanistan or the Saint of Killers in Arizona?

11/06/2006 1:55 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can you confirm or deny that Batman is the Chuck Norris of the DC Universe?

In Justice League Unlimited episode: Destroyer, Batman starts to yell at someone as their bodyguard readies to attack him, yet runs into batman's fist, all with batman focused on talking to his target!

11/06/2006 2:11 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

So, South Carolina has opened as a thirteen point dog against Florida in the Return of Spurrier to the Swamp. Would you take the 'Cocks to cover?

11/06/2006 4:51 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who would win in a no-holds-barred contest of surviving claustrophobia: Dave Batista or Storm?

And I want Aunt May holding the Infinity Gauntlet if I win... :D

11/06/2006 6:47 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I will take a picture of Thanos stepping on Darkseid because I have THE question worthy of an Invincible Super Blog:

If Bucky was only unfrozen for only a cumulative five years and Danny Rand is the Daredevil associated with Civil War, when Iron Man and Spider-Man fight, how long will it take them to realize Jon Hex is the coolest man alive?

11/06/2006 8:41 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why is the swelling getting worse?

11/07/2006 1:17 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

When a Green Lantern is confronted with an enemy that has painted himself yellow, why is it that they never just stab an emerald javelin into the opponent's pupil? those are ALWAYS black.

Though I doubt i WILL win, if I do, I want a picture of Batman kicking Rob Liefeld in the face.

11/07/2006 8:23 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why, oh why, did they bring Jason Todd back?

11/07/2006 8:33 AM

Blogger Cap'n Neurotic said...

Question: is this page from Punisher 2099 funny because it's funny, or is it funny because it's not?

11/07/2006 9:45 AM

Blogger AtomWarlock said...

Wait, Chris Sims is your name? Were you named after the football player?

Iron Fist or Shang Chi in a battle to determine who is the ultimate Kung Fu master?

I want a picture of Krypto.

11/07/2006 4:50 PM

Blogger Jeffrey Hardy Quah said...

Who would you vote for President: Karate Kid or Karate Bearfighter?

11/07/2006 8:47 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

What are you doing on Friday, November 17?


Can I have my Faster, Pussycat! tape back?

11/07/2006 10:44 PM

Blogger Phil Looney said...

In a joke that maybe 5 people who read your blog will get - The Cap'n and Bear (not a real bear, but Bear) in a cage match - who ya got?

11/07/2006 11:35 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Since you're late getting back, can I just go ahead and start answering these questions now?

Also: you done with that sandwich?

11/08/2006 4:35 AM

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