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Tuesday, October 04, 2005

The Top Five Worst Costumes in Comics

Yep.  Clock on the chest.#5 - Hourman II - The Infinity Inc. Years

I'll be honest with you guys. I'm calling this the Top Five Worst Costumes, but really, except for #1, the rest are all pretty much random suits that I don't care for. Heck, I'm not even sure Hourman here has the worst costume in Infinity Inc. It is, however, the only purple costume with a giant clock on the chest and corsair boots, so it's safe to say it's a contender--Nuklon's mohawk notwithstanding.

Fortunately for Rick Tyler, he later abandoned both the color of Prince and the giant H that makes him look like he's wearing Robin Williams suspenders for an updated version of the original Hourman suit, drawn here by ISB favorite John Cassaday:

Clocks?  Bad.  Hourglasses?  Freakin' sweet.Oddly enough, he's not the only time-themed character with a giant clock on his costume to get a great redesign. The Clock King, who used to look like this got a redesign courtesey of Batman: The Animated Series and now commits his deadly time-crimes in classic businesswear. There's hope for everybody.

Hi, I'm here to kill comics for the next ten years.#4 - Cable
Well, maybe not everybody. Let's talk about Cable for a second. He almost doesn't count as having a terrible costume. I mean, he's a Rob Liefeld character. Still, Cable has everything wrong with that guy's costume designs except the headgear that Shatterstar wears. There's pouches, shoulderpads, gloves that apparently restrict his hands to the size of a mere child's, a metal arm, and not just a few scars on one eye, but the other one glows. And sometimes he even goes shirtless.

I have seen the future.  And it is naked.#3 - Cosmic Boy: The Awkward Years
So yeah. To this day, I'm not sure if Cos is rolling around in a flesh-colored costume with black highlights, or if he just decided that the best way to take on the Fatal Five was to make them as socially uncomfortable as possible. He's a guy who had a great costumes before this--he managed to use purple to great effectiveness--but I just picture him waking up one morning and going: "Hey, you know what? It's the future. I'm going to cover my hands, feet, naughty bits and nipples, but that's IT. Deal with it." Fortunately, this costume was relatively short lived, but it can serve as a cautionary tale for the rest of us.

Who knew Deathstroke's kid was into the RenFaire?#2 - Jericho
My theory here is that in between designing awesome costumes like Deathstroke and the Taskmaster, George Perez thought it would be a good idea to smoke roughly eight kilograms of pure crack cocaine. I mean, Jesus. What exactly is going on here? Let's take it point by point.

First off, we've got that blonde afro/muttonchops combo going on there. 'Nuff said. Then there's a poofy-sleeved turtleneck underneath a scaly purple vest with a big jewel in the belt, accented by some huge gold bracelets. Throw some blue stretch pants and purple boots with gold anklets and you're ready to be The Gayest Wizard.

Jericho can't talk, but if he could, I imagine he'd say: "Hey, I look like a tool." So who could possibly outdo that guy?

The Winnah!
#1 - Gambit

If I were honest, this list would've been nothing but the Jim Lee X-Men costumes. But even in that pencil-scratched lineup of pouches and unnecessary belts, Gambit would reign supreme. He's got it all folks. There's headgear, a trenchcoat, gloves that are missing the two middle fingers... It's an ensemble that screams "Radical... TO THE MAX!"

But even beyond the trappings of the '90s, Gambit's costume is just weird. Take away the trenchcoat and the headgear, and you've still got a hot pink shirt with blue metal piping around the collar, black spandex pants with pink squares down the sides (because, you know, pink squares and playing cards go so well together) and what appear to be boots from a suit of medieval armor. At least with Jericho there's a reason for the craziness. That guy jumps out at you, you're going to be staring at the purple sequined vest trying to figure out what the hell is going on, and contact! He's in your body, using your credit card to buy things online. And you know what a hassle that is.

But Gambit? Gambit's a thief who wears metal shoes to sneak around, hot pink body armor to blend in to the shadows, and fingerless gloves so he won't leave prints. That, my friends, doesn't even try to make sense.


Blogger Mark Hale said...

Yeah. Fuck Gambit.

10/05/2005 9:13 AM

Blogger Philip Looney said...

I don't know, I always kind of liked Gambit's costume.

10/05/2005 9:50 AM

Anonymous libby_by_debs said...

I need more coffee cause even though I registered that you were discussing "HOURman" I could have sworn you said he had a big cock on his chest and I was like "yeah, that is kind of wierd, I'm with you..." Once it sunk in that you meant "clock" (and I looked close enough to see that it was, indeed, not a representation of a phallus) I started wondering if Flava Flav got his inspiration there.

See? Need more coffee.

It's kind of impressive that you'd even try to pick out the worst costumes when there is such an overwhelmingly large pool to choose from. It would be like trying to identify the best 5 sentences ever typed by Tom Robbins. Plus you're bound to incite ire whenever you do a list of anything cause there's always someone who won't agree with you and decide to hateblog you over it. (Oh yes I did! *snap* )

10/05/2005 1:56 PM

Anonymous Alan Hirsch said...

The Hulk mainly incredible when it comes to his sense of style. Torn lavender trousers say, "Look at me--I'm a castaway, but a fabulous one!"

10/06/2005 5:17 PM

Anonymous lorene said...

Cosmic Boy looks like he's auditioning for the Tim Curry role in "The Rocky Horror Picture Show". Sweet transvestite, indeed.

10/06/2005 8:05 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

well screw you!
i love gambits costume! it kicks ass, if he can pull in that shirt fair do's to him. Gambit flugging rocks where as you have the time to write a blog on the five worst costumes. up gambit, down u!

10/25/2006 6:26 PM

Anonymous Death said...

Gambit: the most annoying character in comic book history.

11/11/2006 6:18 AM

Anonymous Haerandir said...

You know, I'm pretty sure I've gotten both Gambit's costume and Jericho's by hitting "Random" in the City of Heroes character generator.

1/20/2007 10:23 PM

Anonymous privileged_morgue666 said...

gambits costume is very cool its like put hulk in top 5 most sysy heroes or somting and if you dont like gambit 90% of girls (not thet theare are much) who reed comics like gambit (not me im not a girl(but i like him)) sho shut the fuck up!!!

2/03/2007 2:39 AM

Anonymous privileged_morgue666 said...

its strange wut not lame

2/03/2007 2:44 AM

Anonymous shikomekidomi said...

Seriously, I like how all the people that have to defend gambit can't write with any real grammar or coherency. That's a real good sign that he's a quality character.
Honestly, while I never particularly liked him, I didn't hate him either and I'm not certain his costume is ugly so much as freakishly weird. I highly doubt it beats Jericho. You nailed that guy's look as the Gayest Wizard. I always thought Jericho looked like he just came out of a particularly lame fantasy world and then when I actually read Teen Titans wondered where the devil he got the clothes if he wasn't from some alternate sword and sorcery place.

4/07/2007 12:58 AM

Blogger Nick said...

I have an unfortunate man-crush on Gambit, but yeah, his costume is pretty fucking odd.

8/05/2007 9:05 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

man, i'm tryin' to get my own gambit costume for this coming halloween. i guess i'll buy the pieces of the outfit seperately since the "official" costume always comes out gay.... look chris, if you could find a way to support all your shit-talking about gambit's costume, i'd be on your side. just find ONE thing of ur shit-criticism points from your list that makes sense of why gambit's costume is a bad one. just convince me. just say one reasonable point to shut me up. just ONE. convince me with your unchildish ideas. you knoe what, your just a hater. seriously, dumbass. if you take a close look at gambit's history, you'll see that he was a card dealer before he even got his mutant powers. meaning that he's bin wearing those gloves since he was a card dealer. dont only remember that he was a thieve, remember the whole damn story, not just one side of it. what im tryin' to say is that he was also a card dealer not just a thieve.i've only seen those type of gloves on people who play pool, but i guess people who deal cards can wear em',too(that's pretty much the reason why he wears those gloves). they're just a glove style that people wear on those type of casino games. second, super heroes wearing tights isn't anything new. god, if it is tights that ur complaining about, complain about superman. not only does his name include SUPER(you knoe like: OMG, its SUPER!!!), but he also wears red underwear over his blue tights. pretty much his crotch is noticable to the comic book readers. CRITIZE THAT, DAMMIT! that makes more sense in the type of shit-talking ur talking about. critize THAT. his trench coat? what thieve wouldnt look kool w/o a trench coat? i mean, seriously. another thing is that the pink clothes is his own style. leave him alone. pretty much he was raised by the best thieves in new orleans. so he doesnt need to blend-in in the dark if he's highly proffesional at what he does best. and if you catch him, he'll end up woopin' ur ass with his bo-staff and fighting skills: cajun style. (he was trained in fighting AND thievery has a child; so go figure... it's sumthin' he could do naked if he has bin' doin' it for years.). your just an ignorant. try getting ur shit straight B4 posting your "shit-talking". first, you make a good research if you want your critisism to be valid. your a fucken idiot. im not going on either side of the argument about his costume(even though i love gambit) but you seriously have to knoe what it is your talking about. you got his thieve-story straight... i just dont knoe about the stupid glove and pink outfit comment. but i do agree with you on jericho. that guy creeps the hell out of me with his costume and his smile. i could contradict you more, but seriously, i dont have to waste my time on this piece of doo. its just pointless. all of us have different point of views... and besides, i gotta go early to bed to go to school tommorrow. i did have fun writing this, though. oh yeah, the name's Ralf. i knoe for sure your gonna be talkin trash about me and i dont care. thas' all you people are good for. too bad, you can't make many friends with this type of behavior. not to mention you cant really find a job with this type of behavior(shit-talking constantly) with the exception of parodies... nouw if you guys delete my comment, then it will only show how bad spoiled sports you guys are. if you guys decide to talk trash about sumthin', you have to face the consequences, too. if your gonna stick w/ ur BS, then you might as well stick with the responses you get back from your own BS. you cant just dismiss the arguement like if nuthin' happened... if you have the balls to say sumthin', then have the balls to listen to what other people have to say.... just like i had the balls to put up w/ the BS you posted. hell, so long for Chris's "INVINSIBLE" super blog...

10/17/2007 12:57 AM

Blogger Jared said...

Gambit is Cajun, Catholic, and arguably has the best mutant power(s) in the Marvel Universe. New Son anyone?

His costume is a bit garish, but overall it is decent.

11/07/2007 9:10 AM

Anonymous Doug said...

i've got to say gambit's costume is odd but i still like him. His costume is pretty unconventional but im not sure if it would numbe one on my list. Kinda hoping that Cosmo boy and Jericho never meet, the fashion tips they would exchange would probably make the world's fashion designers cry before dropping dead simultaneously. Im really not s fashion type person at all, im a jeans and t-shirt person, but i have to say i mostly agree with everything you said.

12/16/2007 10:52 PM

Blogger lazy_cg said...

gambit is actually my second favorite member of the x-men, nightcrawler being the best and all.

1/13/2008 1:22 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

well said on gambit, i'm a gambit fan but i have to admit when there's a great argument, not so much covering that his costume looks ridiculous as much as its practicality for his character

5/28/2009 2:44 AM

Anonymous marketing online valencia said...

This can't have effect in actual fact, that's exactly what I think.

7/02/2012 8:27 AM

Anonymous Josh said...

In defense of Gambit, his gloves are missing some fingers because he needs to directly touch his playing cards to kinetically charge them. So at least there's a supposed reason for that, though I'm not sure if that theory's canonical.

The bright pink shirt, on the other hand...

10/24/2013 11:43 PM


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