Terry Long Update: Still Incredibly Hateable

Unless you've been rigorously following my guide to getting yourself a lady before next Tuesday (in which case you should've perfected your branch-to-branch technique by now), you may be in the same boat as I am, with few and dwindling prospects for... ah-romance.

But cheer up, kiddo. You may be spending your Valentine's Day alone, but it could be a lot worse. You could be spending it with Terry Long.

I discussed my vitriolic feelings towards Terry last week, but rest assured that my hatred for him, much like my love for the new season of Degrassi, grows every day. Especially today, when I ran across a run of New Teen Titans. So in case you weren't freaked out by his speedo-and-polo-shirt ensemble, here's a few more panels to get you going.

Check out Terry making the scene in his first appearance, from New Teen Titans #8:

Yes, a mere two panels into his existence and he's hitting on his girlfriend's hot coworker, after literally jumping out of his chair and flagging them down. Is that.. is that the reeking scent of desperation I smell? Must be a Terry Long appearance!

And really, Donna's a snappy dresser and all, and here she is going to meet her new boyfriend, who happens to be wearing a powder-blue leisure suit and an unbuttoned shirt that shows off his Forest of Power. The scene mercifully cuts after this so that Beast Boy can fight some robots or something, but I'd bet money that he refers to it as a "Welcome Mat" while leering at Kory at least once during lunch.

We can pretty much assume that he hits on her constantly over the next few hours, because when we rejoin their story, Donna's taking a few pictures of Kory for her modeling job, while Terry Long, Last of the Great Romantics, is hovering behind her, all but begging for a three-way.


Even Donna's saint-like patience can only take so much, leading Terry to play it off in the most annoying way possible: A Saturday Night Live catchphrase.

I want to never stop punching him. Just be glad this story didn't come out ten years later, or he would've dropped some Rob Schneider instead of Steve Martin.

He also mentions that he met Donna "right after my divorce," which means--and bear with me here--that she's his rebound girlfrend. It's mind-boggling. But not nearly as much as what happens next. Friends, prepare to have your minds blown:



Ladies and Gentlemen, the Dale Gunn Effect... is in full effect.

Of course, once you dig past the bearded, fashion-impaired surface to the life of constant failure beneath, you can start to see what Donna Troy saw in the guy. There's plenty to love:



God I hate you, Terry.



And that's my last word on the matter. Unless I find that Wedding Issue...

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BONUS FEATURE: One For the Guys

Ladies, what with all the white-guy fros and chest-hair in tonight's ISB, you've had your share of eye-candy. Now, gents, it's your turn. Feast thine eyes!