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Sunday, March 26, 2006

Battlefield Action in the Mighty ISB Manner!

Longtime ISB readers will no doubt be familiar with my deep and abiding love of Sgt. Rock, but while I was surfing Wikipedia today in an effort to find out exactly how Blackhawk is supposed to work, I found something that makes me love him even more.

To the left, you'll see a Joe Kubert Sgt. Rock cover showing everybody's favorite bare-chested war hero as he's usually depicted, about four seconds away from dropping a serious beatdown on some lousy Ratzis. What's important, though, are those two ammo belts slung over his shoulders that give the Sarge his signature appearance.

Now I'm going to go ahead and assume that the majority of you don't have stacks of Soldier of Fortune laying around, but ever since that run of Punisher Armory, I find this stuff oddly fascinating, so bear with me while I go through it. Rock's usually shown carrying a .45 Thompson submachine gun and a .45 Colt M1911 pistol, but the ammo belts are full of .50 calibre rounds. Even Easy's heavy machine gun, a .30 cal Browning usually packed by Designated Big Lug and puppy enthusisast Bulldozer, wouldn't take that kind of ammo, which renders it pretty useless.

The official reason for the ammo belts is that they're Rock's lucky charms--which is pretty tough in and of itself, considering that most people get their luck from a rabbit's foot and not two hundred massive bullets--but we all know that those ammo belts have a very definite and ridiculously, mind-blowingly awesome purpose:

WHEN A GUN IS NOT AVAILABLE, HE BEATS NAZIS TO DEATH WITH THEM.


That is why Sgt. Rock is the baddest motherfucker in the history of comics, and also why you are now freaking out.

12 Comments:

Blogger Ragnell said...

We need to see Nazis get beaten up more often in comics.

3/27/2006 12:43 AM

 
Anonymous Doug Glassman said...

You had to bring up the puppy. Thank God it's only three issues into the mini, and there should be some major Nazi ass-kicking in the next issue.

I totally agree with Ragnell: we need more Nazi beatdowns. Mr. Terrific's fight against the KKK in JSA was close, but I still demand Atom Smasher vs. Captain Nazi.

3/27/2006 1:08 AM

 
Blogger Steven said...

Atom Smasher?

I mean, I get it, but the one I want to see crunch Captain Nazi is Ragman. He's Jewish, and Polish, and he's like a mini-Spectre, so that would be a beat-down coming three ways.

Heck, it could only be better if, instead of rags, his costume was ammo belts he used to beat up Nazis before absorbing them into his clips.

Which he then used to beat up more Nazi's.

3/27/2006 2:34 AM

 
Blogger Brett said...

I give Rock his props and beating up Nazis is always good in my book, but I once saw Mark Trail down an airplane with a stick. Mark Trail would whip the Nazis and open an nature preserve at the same time. He is a hard man.

3/27/2006 8:05 AM

 
Blogger jamawalk said...

That cover says it all.

Finally, an answer to the question: "What is the point of war?"

"Sgt. Rock IS the point!"

3/27/2006 10:14 AM

 
Blogger joncormier said...

Damn, Sgt. Rock is serioiusly the Butchest of all men. It could be snowing and he'd be topless or at least have his shirt open. And the bandelleros - dang! Who else goes into war with an extra sixty pounds of ammo you can't shoot.

I AM freaking out.

3/27/2006 10:33 AM

 
Blogger The Fortress Keeper said...

Yeah Rock! Beat those puppy killers senseless!!!

As if stabbing a guy in the neck with a piece of wood isn't badass enough...

3/27/2006 11:31 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

When Sgt. Rock was a kid, he used to beat the crap out of young Nick Fury with a bike chain after school every day. By the way, he already dressed like that when he was a kid.

3/27/2006 6:29 PM

 
Blogger CalvinPitt said...

That's why Nick Fury lost that eye. He figured Sgt. Rock wouldn't beat a one-eyed guy senseless with ammo belts.

3/27/2006 7:47 PM

 
Blogger thedeadpenguin said...

He was wrong.

3/28/2006 12:16 AM

 
Anonymous Ice Cream Soldier said...

Bless my love of WW II-inspired comics. Bought this when it came out and just unearthed it a few weeks ago (along with some GI Combat, more Rocks, Weird War, etc...).

2/22/2007 4:03 PM

 
Anonymous Ronald said...

It won't succeed as a matter of fact, that's exactly what I think.
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11/23/2011 12:16 PM

 

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