The Red Tornado is Totally Emo
I'll get into it in a little more detail when I do the weekly review post tomorrow night, but as you may well know, Brad Meltzer and Ed Benes's new Justice League of America #1 hit the stands today, and in case you haven't been able to pick it up, allow me to hip you the facts, buster: There's a lot of Red Tornado in it. In fact, I'd say that he's pretty much the focus of the book.
This was not a good idea.
Bold statement, I know. But seriously, I hate the Red Tornado. Admittedly, I'm not exactly an expert on the guy or anything--I haven't read the Kurt Busiek mini-series and the non-stop awful puns of Young Justice killed my interest in that book long before he ever showed up as a mentor, a concept that I like a lot in theory--but there's a reason that I haven't gone out and read up on him, and that is this:
Red Tornado is totally emo.
Seriously, in pretty much every story I've read about that guy--mostly silver-age JLA/JSA team-ups--he does absolutely nothing but stand around whining, occasionally taking a break from humming along with Morrissey to completely screw up whenever it's time to actually go fight villains. He indulges in more self-pity than the entire early-90s X-Men lineup, and all without the benefit of stabbing someone with the focused totality of his windy powers.
And for once, I'm actually not exaggerating. Well, not that much, anyway. Here, see for yourself:
And of course, this:
Which is inevitably followed by this:
See what I mean? Not exactly the guy I want out there battling the Star Conqueror or a telepathic man-eating gorilla with the fate of the world on the line.
To be fair, though, I may be a little too hard on the Red Tornado. So, in the spirit of giving him a fair shake, I'm going to do what the Justice League actually does in the comic, and put it to a vote.
How about it, Leaguers?
Well. That settles that.
Okay, okay, so there is one instance of Red Tornado not being a total little girl: That one time that he punched Hitler in the face.
Even better, that's not just Hitler... it's Robot Hitler. And even I am forced to admit that that, my friends, is pretty awesome.