The SHIELD Technical Manual, Section IV
Hello, and congratlations on your recent promotion to SHIELD Agent Level 4 Status! Now that you've obtained the proper clearance, this guide will serve as your handy guide to recognizing and understanding certain equipment we employ in the continual fight against Global Super-Terrorism.
Over the next few pages, we will be discussing Advanced-level technology. For further information on Basic-Level technology, such as the Exploding Shirt, Bulletproof Suit Jacket, Ionic Disruption Cufflinks, and Flying Car--please refer to Technical Manual Section II.
If you have not recieved Level 4 clearance, please be advised that nanotechnology embedded within these very words has already been activated, and will result in your death in thirty seconds.
Ha-ha! Just kidding! If you didn't have the proper clearance, you'd be dead already.
Item Codename: OVERKILL HORN
Designation: K1R-B ST-150
Purpose: Counterterrorism Research.
Description: Originally designed to test the effectiveness of and counteract a similar piece of equipment constructed by HYDRA (see Technical Manual III: Your Various Uniformed Enemies), the Overkill Horn is capable of emitting a concentrated laser-like wave of sound that can simultaneously reach every point on Earth at once in flagrant violation of established "laws" of physics.
Proper Use: Considering that any use of the Overkill Horn will result in the immediate detonation of every nuclear bomb on the face of the planet, any and all use of said item should be considered a Very Bad Idea. In fact, now that we think of it, we're not even sure why we still have this thing laying around, and we wouldn't even bother to mention it if a recruit hadn't caused $3.4 billion worth of damage to the Helicarrier after mistaking it for a video camera.
Additional Notes: Access to YouTube will be restored when Agents have proven themselves to be responsible, and no sooner.
Item Codename: INCREDIBLE ESP CHAMBER
Designation: STERANK-0 ST-162
Purpose: Intelligence and Operations Planning
Proper Use: Originally constructed over the course of a year as an attempt to harness the latent powers of PSI-Division Agents in an effort to, to quote the orignal planning statement, "shatter paranormal dimensions of time and space, searching with powerful telepathic probes across the millennia, attempting to eclipse the unknown, to unleash deadly secrets in the kill-or-be-killed game of international intrigue," the ESP Chamber quickly fell into disuse when it was discovered that putting a complex machine designed to project "unbelievable thought illusions" into a room full of techies who spend their time idly wondering what would happen if Kirk fought Picard during Pon Farr or whatever was a pretty bad idea.
Additional Notes: Kirk.
Item Codename: HAWK HARNESS
Designation: STERANK-0 ST-166
Proper Use: Still in use today, the High Altitude Wing Kite Harness is one nof the trademarks of SHIELD R&D's commitment to quality through design and function. When properly worn, it allows for a far more rapid and maneuverable descent from an aircraft without the drag or high visibility of a parachute. It is, however, bright orange. So lots of luck with that, Secret Agent Sam.
Additional Notes: Smoking a cigar while attempting a HALO drop is not as easy as it looks, and should only be attempted by Agents of Level 7 or higher.
Item Codename: WARP VEST
Designation: STERANK-0 ST-167
Purpose: Emergency Personal Transport/Evacuation
Proper Use: Originally based on a prototype recovered by Colonel Nick Fury from the secret laboratories of the Yellow Claw, the Warp Vest is a miniaturized version of the same technology SHIELD employs in the large-scale Vortex Beam, which allows for personal teleportation across a limited range.
Additional Notes: When using the Warp Vest, Agents will likely be transported across some sort of Dali-esque nightmare landscape of mind-shattering color. Do not be alarmed! This is completely normal, and should be considered awesome.
For futher information, please consult the Complete SHIELD Technical Manual.