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Monday, July 25, 2005

The Weirdest Thing I Saw Today

First things first: The boycott of Wizard World Atlanta has pretty much assured that HeroesCon '06 is going to be awesome. You may remember, gentle reader, that I was way too drunk and angry to enjoy this past one, but with Warren Ellis, who thrives on drunkenness and anger, in attendance, I'm already crazy excited.

So, I'd like to take this opportunity to formally announce that I'll be boycotting WWA as well. So assuming my story for Gone to Texas is done by next Summer, you know where to find me. I'll be the one trying desperately to get in.

Anyway, onto tonight's alleged hilarity.

Today I saw a one-armed man with a porn-star handlebar moustache riding a peppermint-colored moped on the way to lunch.

And that was not the weirdest thing I saw today. And neither was the Cap'n's new haircut, which serves to lend him an air of credibility right up until he opens his mouth.

No, the honor goes to a set of Smallville DVDs that I saw while I was over at Radical C's tonight. I'd gone over to discuss philosophy and the politics of the day (read: to get hamburgers and talk about how awesome Justice League was this weekend), and the box on the table caught my eye.

Now I'm a typical American consumer and I work in a comic book store, so it's fair to say that I've seen the box before. I'm reasonably familiar with what it looks like, so I was pretty surprised to see a wifebeater drawn by hand onto Tom Welling's chest in magic marker.

Now Chad's a doodler. He works Wednesday nights, and I can't come in on Thursday morning without seeing a picture of a t-shirt wearing ape or somesuch, but still, this seemed a little extreme. And what's more, it begged the question.

Well, I'm the guy who struck up a conversation about mortuary science with the director of my grandmother's funeral as she was being buried, so it's fair to say that I'm not the sort that lets a begged question go unasked. The answer, however, was worth it.

Chad got the DVD from a friend of his that insisted he watch it, and when he got the DVD, he asked the same question I did: What's up with Clark's sharpie wifebeater?

"Man, I got tired of looking at some dude's bare chest," the guy replied.

"But look," Chad said to me as he explained the story, "The way he drew it on there, it's a tight black halter top! He gave Tom Welling a belly-shirt!"

And Great Rao, it was.


Blogger Julie said...

My co-worker and her husband are going to DragonCon. I'm jealous! I've never been to anything like that but it looks like fun.

Is HeroesCon the same thing, something in DragonCon or something else entirely?

You'll have to excuse my ignorance of the comic world ;) I'm learnin'!

7/26/2005 7:56 AM

Blogger Phil Looney said...

You saw one armed pirate dude today? I haven't seen him around forever. I remember when he used to just ride a bicycle, and then months later, he upgraded to his moped. Someone once told me that he was a drug dealer. I've always wanted to do a comic about that guy...

Oh, and HeroesCon is an all comic convention held in Charlotte, NC. There are lots of people selling comics there, and a lot of artists and writers there who sign stuff for people.

7/26/2005 8:15 AM

Blogger Mon-El said...

And toys! Don't forget the toys!


7/26/2005 9:19 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Chris, your stories sometimes confuse me in the same way that Euro-scifi in HEAVY METAL confuses me, or badly translated anime confuses me.

A one armed pirate in Columbia? Orangeburg, maybe, but Columbia?

Who would've thought.

7/26/2005 10:15 AM

Blogger Phil Looney said...

He's all over Broad River Rd. around the Dragon, putt-putting around.

7/26/2005 11:28 AM

Blogger Chris Sims said...

The best thing about him was that right before we saw him, we were behind this redneck kid with no shirt on who had his own hand sticking out of his sunroof.

Which he quickly put down upon seeing the One-Armed Bandit. I guess he didn't want him to think he was showing off...

7/26/2005 9:06 PM

Blogger Phil Looney said...

I saw him again today on the way back from lunch - that thing isn;t a moped. It's a Vespa scooter! Those things are awesome. I wish I had one...

7/28/2005 1:52 PM

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