The Phrase That Pays

Ever since I've been re-pricing the back issue stock down at the Wiz, I've been almost fanatically obsessed with the covers I've been seeing. That pretty much came to a head with last night's Special All-Caps Edition of the ISB, but now that that project has moved on to Phase Two (don't ask), I feel like I can finally move on. So tonight, allow me to regale you with a tale of customer interaction that makes up the next chapter in the continuing epic of... The Cap'n

(Note to new ISB readers: Catch up on the whole saga... IF YOU DARE!)

So he strolls in for his daily visit, and I swear to you every single breath from his is a long, drawn-out sigh. I figure since he comes by the store every day, he knows his way around, and I get back to what I was doing, idly chatting with Matt P. while I block down the new comics wall. Since he's helping me out with the deadly and mysterious Phase Two, the conversation quickly turns to my favorite ambush-prone team of Super-Heroes, The Losers.

So the Cap'n wanders over just in time to hear me inform Matt that Captain Storm once saved John F. Kennedy's life. He lets out a cough that sounds mysteriously like "bullshit."

The gauntlet, children, had been thrown.

"Cap'n, did you just cough or did you call bullshit?" No way I was letting that slide. I may not be right about everything, but impugn my knowledge of the DC Universe heroes of World War II, and it is on. Even if I did think Jeb Stuart was a fictional character until I was twenty-two.

"... I coughed."

"Yeah. Because it happened. We have the issue."

"Oh, you mean it happened in a... fictional world."

What the... "Of course it happened in a fictional world! I'm talking about Captain Storm of the Losers! He was a PT boat captain who kept losing his commands!"

Well, my mention of some form of military technology opened up a whole new can of worms, and I sat through the lecture on the construction of the PT Boat until I mentioned that being the only survivor must have been Captain Storm's super-power.

"So what's your super-power, Captain?"

He paused for a brief moment. "I'm a big jerk."

I immediately spun around, staring at Matt while trying to communicate "Did you hear that?!" with only the power of my mind. What I said was: "Well, you heard it here first, Matt: The Cap'ns a big jerk."

I composed myself and turned back around, and that's when he dropped what is probably my new favorite phrase in the entire universe. He looked dead at me (well, with one eye anyway) and said:

"I will do anything, at any time, for any reason."

Holy Crap. If you take the time to puzzle it out, all that sentence means is that he does things. But the phrasing is so maniacal that its power cannot be denied. That is something a ninja says. And although I'm dead certain that he didn't mean to say something that awesome, the Cap'n has unintentionally provided me with my new personal motto. I've even added it to the family crest.

You would not believe how long that took to make.