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Monday, February 20, 2006

The Purely Theoretical Adventures of Abraham Lincoln

As you may have noticed if you were able to hit the snooze alarm this morning, today's President's Day, and while you've got forty-three heads of state to honor or revile at your option, we all know the real reason we're here:

That's right, the Great Emancipator himself, Abraham Lincoln. He's my favorite president, and not just for his accomplishments while in office, the fascinating drama surrounding his assassination, or even his victories as Illinois State Wrestling Champion. No, my interest in Lincoln goes far beyond what you might call "facts."

I consider myself something of an amateur historian, after all, and over the past few years working down at the Wiz, I've been able to put together a sketchy biography of Lincoln's hidden years, chronicling the time between when he faked his death with the aid of a time-traveling Ben Franklin and his re-emergence as one of the five pilots of The Presitron.

That stuff you learn about in your fancy schools is all well and good, after all, but really: My Lincoln arm-wrestled Scalphunter to the death:

Ventured into depths of space:

Embarked on a crusade of vigilante justice that only the Batman could stop...

...and apparently had his head stolen by what appears to be two guys on flying helicopter motorcycles decorated with skulls and some kind of... flying squirrel-man?

You know what? I have absolutely no idea what's supposed to be going on in this one:

Looks like a heck of an adventure, though.

I've written volumes on the subject, but unfortunately, the major publishers don't seem to think that DC Comics of the '70s and '80s are "entirely historically accurate," or whatever. I think we all know those ivory tower academics are just afraid of the truth.


In honor of President's Day...

Art by the inimitable Kyle Baker, from the book Undercover Genie. Purchase it immediately, cretins!


Blogger Philip Looney said...

Ypu're forgetting Lincoln's apperance in Grandma Evelyn's Old Fashioned Pudding Treats Wrestlin' Theater.

Look out for the Phil Looney contributions - they stick out as the worst entries!


2/21/2006 9:54 AM

Anonymous Verity Kindle said...

Chris, you know I dig you the most, but Sweet jumpin' Buddha on a pogo stick, can we have one blog on the Interweb that doesn't do politics? Unless it's the politics of Pres. Lincoln opening up a can of whoopass on Genghis Khan, of course. That'd be spiffy.

2/21/2006 11:26 AM

Anonymous Doug Glassman said...

Two other great adventures of Abraham Lincoln:

1. "Tales from the Bully Pulpit", by Benito Cereno. It stars another great president, TR, but Abe has a great cameo. How great?

"I'm gonna emancipate your teeth, boy."

2. Invincible. Take a really close look at the Immortal. Then read his back-up story in #25 (or the fifth trade, the story is there too).

I love your blog, btw.

2/21/2006 12:12 PM

Blogger Canton said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

2/21/2006 1:01 PM

Blogger RAB said...

UNEXPECTED issue 217 is not merely the best Lincoln-themed comic book cover, that issue also contains the best Lincoln-themed comic story ever. Written and drawn by Sheldon Mayer, no less. I should dig this issue out and do a proper tribute, but it's got Abe Lincoln brought to the future, shapeshifting aliens, robots, Lincoln's prophetic dreams, interplanetary war...amazing stuff!

2/21/2006 2:02 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lincoln did indeed open up "a can of whoopass on Genghis Khan" in the original Star Trek episode "The Savage Curtain." Not only did he free the slaves, but he fought side by side with James T. Kirk...300 years after he died. That's one tough/cool president.


2/21/2006 4:44 PM

Blogger Peter Hensel said...

Is the comic really NAMED Unexpected? That's just ridiculus.

2/21/2006 10:38 PM

Blogger Chris Sims said...

It is indeed, although it was formerly known as Tales of the Unexpected.

I always found the title a little ironic, because honestly: Abe Lincoln in a spacesuit? THAT is unexpected. But mostly, it's just things that turn out to, you know, actually be skeletons.

2/21/2006 11:16 PM

Blogger Geoff Elliott said...

Your posting is great! I'm both a comic collector and a Lincoln enthusiast as are you.

I can't remember the exact Superman issue number, but back in the 1970's there was an "imaginary" story in which our Superman was pulled into a different dimension and in that version of Earth, he was actually the third and last Superman.

In the story, a college historian pulled Lincoln, Washington, Custer, and the last Superman for his students' study. Only in this Earth, Lincoln had actually been elected President for Life, etc. I believe this story is included in Superman: Greatest Stories Of the 1970's.

Thanks again!

Geoff Elliott
The Abraham Lincoln Blog


11/20/2007 3:36 PM

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12/13/2008 1:26 AM


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