Shocking Revelations

A few days ago on his weblog, noted man-about-town Dorian Wright gave the impression that he was not enjoying the Teen Titans showcase, specifically referring to it as some kind of deep hurting.

As for me, I'm enjoying the living hell out of it, mostly due to the fact that by the second story, the Titans are fighting the collection of giant ambulatory body parts known as the Separated Man.

Seriously, Robin using the rockin' tunes of the Fab Four to battle a giant purple ear before he and his running crew ram a six-foot hypodermic needle into the corresponding heart is exactly what I'm looking for in a comic book. But I realize that not everyone can share my desires, no matter how right they may be.

Unfortunately, Dorian's problem was with the dialogue:

"No, it's the combination of those factors with the dialogue which comes off as a forty-year old trying to sound "down" and "hip" with all the "groovy lingo" that "the kids" use these days."

Oddly enough, Bob Haney's crazy hipster jive-talk is exactly what I like about the stories, and I'm shocked by Dorian's insinuation that it's just Haney making a halfhearted attempt to pander to the kids. For you see, through my profound mastery of The Science, which mostly involves making things up and writing them down, I've made a startling discovery about Bob Haney.

Take, for instance, the dialogue in this sequence from Teen Titans #3...

...and compare it to the sheer poetry that is the dialogue from one of Haney's merely fantastic issues of Metamorpho:

It's almost identical jive, buster. And while one set's coming from the mouth of a teenager, Rex Mason's gotta be in his thirties at least. And heck, during Haney's tenure as the architect of "The NEW Blackhawk Era," a Polish World War II veteran in his forties talked like that. With any one of them, I'd say there was some credence to the theory that he was talking down to his audience, but that, my friends, is a pattern.

And it can only lead me to one shocking conclusion: That's how Bob Haney really talked.

More Haneyesque Shenanigans:
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