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Wednesday, July 12, 2006

It Lives! It Walks! It Gurgles! The Deathless Doom!

Normally, I'd save this sort of thing for my Thursday night comics reviews, but in this case, I'm going to make an exception on account of total awesomeness.

See, at work today, I was standing around talking to Phil when he pulled a coverless copy of Showcase #39 out of the box that we had marked at ten bucks, wondering why a book in such lousy condition was priced up like that. The answer, however, should be obvious: It has one of the greatest opening captions ever, courtesy of the second-craziest writer in DC history, Robert Kanigher!

"Doom can start in a test-tube and end in the H-Bomb! Doom can last a second--or--in the most fantastic threat the unique Metal Men have ever battled--an eternity! Its name is Chemo! Its powers--Infinite!


Said Deathless Doom is, of course, the Metal Men's greatest foe: Chemo, who might just be the most awesomely ridiculous super-villain of all time.



Created by "chemical wizard" Professor Norton, seen here "grown to leviathan size" and punching through the floor of Doc Magnus's swingin' robot pad (because Bob Kanigher, that's why), Chemo was originally constructed to serve as a constant reminder of Norton's failures. That's right: A vaguely man-shaped repository for extremely harmful chemicals and science gone mad!

Seemed like a good idea at the time, I guess.

As you might expect, Chemo spontaneously develops a malevolent sentience and then proceeds to douse the Professor in his own growth serum (which causes rapid increases in size followed by even more rapid explosiveness). After this, of course, Chemo bursts out of the lab and proceeds to stomp around wrecking everything in the city and kicking the living bejeezus out of the Metal Men until Dr. Magnus takes enough time out of his busy schedule of telling Platinum to stop being so blasted womanly all the time to actually solve the problem.

Seriously, why did you even bother building a hot nurse robot that's in love with you if you were just going to be a jerk about it?

Anyway, Chemo's eventually sealed up for eternity (read: until Showcase #40), but not before we all get the chance to learn a valuable lesson about gurgling twenty-story chemical monstrosities.

Why is Chemo Awesome?



BECAUSE CHEMO IS DESTROYING EVERYTHING!

11 Comments:

Anonymous The Beyonder said...

I once destroyed Everything. It was an overrated experience.

7/13/2006 1:37 AM

 
Blogger Brandon said...

I loves me some Chemo! He(it?) should get his own book where he roams the country, on a mission of redemption, righting wrongs like a mentally incompetent, fifty-foot, radioactive Michael Landon. Written by Grant Morrison, of course.

7/13/2006 8:00 AM

 
Blogger Philip Looney said...

3 questions:

1) Did you end up buying this too?
2) Was it in the Archive?
3) What was the cover?

7/13/2006 8:36 AM

 
Anonymous Jon H said...

Doc Norton spends a lot of time on his back, doesn't he?

7/13/2006 10:20 AM

 
Anonymous DF said...

All this craziness is all fine and dandy, but I think the real winner here is Doc Magnus' cast face there. The pipe just sends it to a rediculously awesome level.

7/13/2006 12:32 PM

 
Anonymous Bat-Mite said...

Bob Kanigher is the second-craziest writer in DC history? Kanigher made Dr. Domino! Who on earth is the first-craziest? The creator of Egg Fu the Fifth?!

7/13/2006 1:48 PM

 
Blogger Michael said...

Here's the cover to Showcase 39. From the cover, you'd never know that the Deathless Doom is Chemo, but we do see Norton's big left hand.

Word verification: gspucgv, which was the sound Chemo made when he got dropped on Bludhaven.

7/13/2006 1:50 PM

 
Anonymous JIM said...

Bat-mite: I think that should be obvious.

7/13/2006 2:25 PM

 
Blogger Chris Sims said...

Jim called it. Bob Haney is the creator against which all others must be judged when it comes to DC craziness.

7/13/2006 8:51 PM

 
Blogger Chris Sims said...

Phil:

1. No, it was in the Archive...
2. ...which I did buy.
3. Well, you've seen it by now.

7/14/2006 12:37 AM

 
Blogger Tim E said...

Wait, it's a comic book about the physical properties of various metals? Kick ass?

7/14/2006 9:43 PM

 

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