I've Moved! Check out the all-new, all-different Invincible Super-Blog at www.The-ISB.com!

Monday, September 25, 2006

Haney vs. Kanigher! And This One's For All The Marbles!

Over the past year or so here on the ISB, I've given a lot of time over to discussing the ridiculously awesome works of Bob Haney and Robert Kanigher.

Haney, of course, is the creator of Metamorpho (who once fought a two-foot tall world-conquering cyclops from space with the aid of a laser guitar) and the Silver Age Teen Titans (who battled the inimitable Ding Dong Daddy Dowd), along with several issues of Brave and the Bold that didn't make a whole lot of sense.

Kanigher, on the other hand, has written pretty much everything up to and including DC's romance titles and a run on Wonder Woman that included villains like Egg Fu, but around here, he's mostly known as the creator of Sgt. Rock, The Haunted Tank, and of course, the unstoppably awesome Metal Men.

So with all that, it begs the question as to Just Which Bob is Crazier, and the ISB never backs down from a good ol' fashioned loon-fight.

For the answer, we turn to relatively neutral territory: 1991's Sgt. Rock #13, which, despite all appearances to the contrary, does not include the original Suicide Squad. Instead, it's got two stories by Kanigher and one by Haney, along with art from Joe Kubert, Ross Andru, and Russ Heath.

Admittedly, Sgt. Rock is Kanigher's home turf, but, well, there aren't a whole lot of Metamorpho issues laying around with Bob Haney backups in them, so that's how it's got to be for this Mind-Melting Battle of the Madmen!

Round One!




With the opening story, Flytrap Hill, Kanigher doesn't really get as crazy as he did when, say, the Metal Men fought a giant, gurgling chemical monstrosity, but it does dabble in the realm of the logistically impossible--and the unthinkable.

The story revolves around Lonesome, a young kid assigned as a runner to carry Sgt. Rock's requested permission to retreat from Flytrap Hill. To be fair, though, the only reason Rock requests permission to retreat is that the combat-happy Joes of Easy Company won't stop following him when he tries to battle the entire German army by himself, and keep getting blasted with flamethrowers for their troubles.

Regardless, Lonesome, who appears to be about fourteen, is sent out with the orders and roughly two hundred pounds of equipment and high hopes of making friends with Rock and the rest of the Company. Unfortunately, as Kanigher always says, nothing's ever easy in Easy.

Said difficulties in this case are presented by the fact that three panels after leaving camp, Lonesome is shot, in turn, by an enemy sniper, a low-flying Messerschmitt, and a Tiger Tank. And he is also grievously bonked on the head.



Still, he perseveres, limping and crawling his way up to Rock with the sealed retreat orders, but his gutsy triumph inspires Rock and Easy Company to get up and beat the living hell out of the Nazis, rechristening the site of the battle as "Lonesome Hill" in his honor.

Let's go through that one more time, for those of you in back: in the span of six pages, Lonesome is shot non-fatally by a fighter plane and a tank.

Although to be fair, that sort of thing happens a lot around Sgt. Rock.

Haney, the ball's in your court.

Round Two!




SKI NAZIS MUST DIE!!!


Now this is what I'm talking about: Young Army Ski Trooper Davis finds himself facing down his old foe Hauser on the same mountain they competed on against each other as profesional skiers back before the war--except that now, Hauser, who utterly demolished him in competition, is now a scout for the Ratzis.

It's an utterly predictable story, but considering that it's got captions like "You claw your way thru a blizzard of slugs," it's oddly satisfying to see Davis and Hauser shoot down the mountain punching the bejeezus out of each other.



Advantage: Haney.

Mister Kanigher, your response?

ROUND THREE!




Uh. Wow.



You win this time, Kanigher.




For Those Of You So Inclined:
| Showcase Presents Metamorpho |
| Showcase Presents Teen Titans |
| Showcase Presents Haunted Tank |

13 Comments:

Blogger Steven said...

You, sir, are the master of scrolling comedy. I read about a runner surviving being shot by a tank (and bonked on the head) and think "Well, what could be crazier than that?"

Then I hit the space bar and see skis. Oh! (btw, is the story written in, gasp, second person?)

And I say to myself, "well, it ain't getting crazier than that." And hit space bar.

"HOLY CRAP" indeed, good sir. "HOLY CRAP" indeed.

9/26/2006 12:10 AM

 
Blogger Winterteeth said...

Yes, yes, yes, the craziness is all well and good but why is the original Suicide Squad on the cover if they aren't in the issue? Do the dinosaurs mention them in passing? I am now officially intrigued.

9/26/2006 12:52 AM

 
Blogger Corey said...

I am also of the oponion that this is the greatest use of scrolling comedy ever.

9/26/2006 2:04 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The latest ISB entry starring Sgt. Rock has me talking to myself. Awesome.

9/26/2006 11:58 AM

 
Blogger Brandon said...

Thank you. Well put, sir.

Now, if only there were some way to assign numerical values to the craziness.

9/26/2006 12:36 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Somehow, having Russ Heath drawing giant monsters does not seem crazy to me. Now, not using any excuse to have Heath's dinosaurs, that would be crazy.

rgl

9/26/2006 1:27 PM

 
Blogger L8on said...

What makes it even better is that, apparently, Haney and Kanigher hated each other in real life. I read a bitter exchange between them in some article awhile back. But, to be fair, most of Kanigher's freelancers hated him.

9/26/2006 6:33 PM

 
Anonymous timmdrums said...

I still think the kid getting bonked on the head wins it for me.

9/26/2006 6:48 PM

 
Blogger Chris Sims said...

Now, if only there were some way to assign numerical values to the craziness.

I propose we use a system of units known as Haneys, with a baseline 1.0 Haney being the craziness of, say, your average Metamorpho Story, like when he plays against the element robots with an atomic football, or possibly the Teen Titans story with the giant killer robot called Honey Bun.

Once you'd surpassed a 10.0, however, you get in the range of Megahaneys, or as I like to call them, Siegels.

9/26/2006 8:34 PM

 
Blogger Steven said...

Oh, I hate converting to metric...

carry the one...

How many Siegels are there in a Mantlo again?

9/26/2006 11:34 PM

 
Blogger SallyP said...

Well, it's not quite Nazis riding dinosaurs, but it will do in a pinch.

9/27/2006 9:33 AM

 
Anonymous Dwayne "the canoe guy" said...

How stupid are you guys? Lonesome was never bonked on the head, he was klunked. And as any WWII fan can tell you, a klunk is about 4 mantlo's short of being a full-fledged bonk, which COULD have been fatal under the proper weather conditions. Also, Lonesome probably rolled a natural 20 before he left on his mission.

9/27/2006 3:56 PM

 
Blogger sexy said...

情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣,情趣,情趣,情趣,情趣,情趣,情趣,情趣,按摩棒,跳蛋,充氣娃娃,情境坊歡愉用品,情趣用品,情人節禮物,情惑用品性易購,A片,視訊聊天室,視訊,視訊聊天,視訊交友網,免費視訊聊天,聊天室,UT聊天室,免費視訊,視訊交友,免費視訊聊天室

免費A片,AV女優,美女視訊,情色交友,免費AV,色情網站,辣妹視訊,美女交友,色情影片,成人影片,成人網站,A片,H漫,18成人,成人圖片,成人漫畫,情色網,日本A片,免費A片下載,性愛

A片,色情,成人,做愛,情色文學,A片下載,色情遊戲,色情影片,色情聊天室,情色電影,免費視訊,免費視訊聊天,免費視訊聊天室,一葉情貼圖片區,情色,情色視訊,免費成人影片,視訊交友,視訊聊天,視訊聊天室,言情小說,愛情小說,AIO,AV片,A漫,av dvd,聊天室,自拍,情色論壇,視訊美女,AV成人網,色情A片,SEX,成人圖片區

情趣用品,A片,免費A片,AV女優,美女視訊,情色交友,色情網站,免費AV,辣妹視訊,美女交友,色情影片,成人網站,H漫,18成人,成人圖片,成人漫畫,成人影片,情色網


情趣用品,A片,免費A片,日本A片,A片下載,線上A片,成人電影,嘟嘟成人網,成人,成人貼圖,成人交友,成人圖片,18成人,成人小說,成人圖片區,微風成人區,成人文章,成人影城,情色,情色貼圖,色情聊天室,情色視訊,情色文學,色情小說,情色小說,臺灣情色網,色情,情色電影,色情遊戲,嘟嘟情人色網,麗的色遊戲,情色論壇,色情網站,一葉情貼圖片區,做愛,性愛,美女視訊,辣妹視訊,視訊聊天室,視訊交友網,免費視訊聊天,美女交友,做愛影片

av,情趣用品,a片,成人電影,微風成人,嘟嘟成人網,成人,成人貼圖,成人交友,成人圖片,18成人,成人小說,成人圖片區,成人文章,成人影城,愛情公寓,情色,情色貼圖,色情聊天室,情色視訊,情色文學,色情小說,情色小說,色情,寄情築園小遊戲,情色電影,aio,av女優,AV,免費A片,日本a片,美女視訊,辣妹視訊,聊天室,美女交友,成人光碟

情趣用品.A片,情色,情色貼圖,色情聊天室,情色視訊,情色文學,色情小說,情色小說,色情,寄情築園小遊戲,情色電影,色情遊戲,色情網站,聊天室,ut聊天室,豆豆聊天室,美女視訊,辣妹視訊,視訊聊天室,視訊交友網,免費視訊聊天,免費A片,日本a片,a片下載,線上a片,av女優,av,成人電影,成人,成人貼圖,成人交友,成人圖片,18成人,成人小說,成人圖片區,成人文章,成人影城,成人網站,自拍,尋夢園聊天室

12/13/2008 1:27 AM

 

Post a Comment

<< Home