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Saturday, October 07, 2006

A Day In the Life of Jimmy Olsen

7:30 AM - Wake up and start the day off right with a hearty breakfast while going over my fan mail. Could the life of a cub reporter get any sweeter?

8:30 AM - Get dressed for the day. Can't believe I spent so much time in a nerdy tweed jacket and polka-dot bowtie. From now on, it's bellbottoms and turtleneck sweaters for Mr. Action!

10:00 AM - Attend the dedication of a hospital ship I raised the money for with my best pal Superman! Unfortunately, my other best friends couldn't be there, as Miss Lane was, as the Chief Mr. White said, "puttin' out another honey-trap" for Superman with the help of a robot supercomputer. As for Mister Kent, well, he's mysteriously indisposed. Again.

10:30 AM - Board the ship to see the first medical case, a crewman with two hearts who clalims to be a space alien named Enorr and has a fragment of The Star of Cathay, a jewel which affects me in crazy, unexpected ways!

10:31 AM - Realize it's going to be one of those days.

10:34 AM - Get caught up by some unspeakable force I cannot comprehend.

10:36 AM - Find myself back in the year 793 AD, living out my past life as Marco Polo, alongside my pal Kurol the Genie. Unfortunately, I'm also about to be executed by Lord Timur, so that's kind of a bummer.

10:38 AM - Put the smackdown on history--MR. ACTION STYLE!

10:45 AM - Innuendo Break.

11:00 AM - Having escaped my execution at the hands of Kublai Khan's enemies, return my protesting Genie pal back to the horrible imprisonment of his bottle, confident that doing this won't come back to haunt me later.

2:30 PM - Kung fu fight a leopard.

2:31 PM - Drop the hammer.

4:00 PM - Take over for an injured Kublai Khan, with all confidence that my reign will not end in horrendous tragedy.

4:15 PM - It comes back to haunt me.

4:22 PM / 10:36 AM - Suddenly return to my own time, thoroughly dazed, only to find that I've actually been gone only a few moments. Good thing, too--I've had all the craziness I can stand for one day, and I've still got to get ready for that hot date with Lucy Lane tonight!


Blogger Mallet said...

"Clupp" is the sound all matter makes after bouncing off pre-crisis Olsen.

And all matter does bounce off him.

10/08/2006 3:06 AM

Blogger McGone said...

Jimmy didn't read the fine print. With The Star of Cathay, some side effects may occur, including epileptic seizures, headaches, migraines and some severe dizziness, memory loss, severe slurring of speech, severe tremors, severe depression, irritability, aggression, anxiety, personality changes, insomnia, and time travel. Consult your pal Superman before being exposed to The Star of Cathay.

10/08/2006 3:11 AM

Blogger Ragnell said...

McGone -- Consult? He probably got the damned thing from Superman the first time.

10/08/2006 3:56 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

So Jimmy Olsen kung-fu fights a leopard by himself. Jimmy is best pals with Superman while Danny Rand is punched to death in his sleep by Captain Marvel? The Legion girls conspire to get Jimmy some play from Lucy, while the X-Women spend the entire night cockblocking Luke Cage from getting with Stevie Hunter. I've been running the numbers and what I keep coming up with is :

Jimmy Olsen > Power Man + Iron Fist???

Anyone who can disprove this equation gets a shiny no-prize!

10/08/2006 11:25 AM

Anonymous oxy moronovich said...

Jimmy Olsen was Marco Polo in a past life? Who knew? I bet next yer gonna show us a story with Snapper Carr as Christopher Columbus, huh Chris?

10/08/2006 5:17 PM

Blogger Chris Sims said...

Actually, it's revealed in the same story that Jimmy was also Spartacus.

And no, I'm not kidding.

10/08/2006 7:22 PM

Anonymous David Anaxagoras said...

Clearly the polka-dot bow tie has been holding Jimmy back. Don't see him wearing it when he's dropping the hammer on that leopard or putting the smackdown on history. Coincidence? I think not.

10/08/2006 10:16 PM

Blogger SallyP said...

So this is an average day in the life of Jimmy Olsen. Then why is he still bringing coffee to Perry White? Forget Luthor, Jimmy Olsen should be ruling the world!

10/09/2006 10:59 AM


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