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Saturday, October 08, 2005

Double-Shot Saturday 2 of 2: Silver Age Scott

Turn down that Foreigner, friends, you don't have double vision. The ISB careens into its second act with TWO updates tonight. Look out, Internet, 'cause it's the ISB as you like it! In action, in trouble, and out of control!

I think it's pretty safe to say that my friend Scott is a pretty weird guy. ISB readers have thrilled to his misadventures in the past, from the time he agonized over the purchase of a cup to his off-the-cuff Star Wars-themed political commentary.

But those just scratch the surface. This is a guy, after all, who owns a full run of Forever Maelstrom, which is a claim even the Grand Comics Database can't make.

My favorite thing about Scott, though--and believe me, it's a hard choice to narrow down--is that his ultimate goal is to be able to model his life after Silver Age Superman.

Now I've been reading Showcase Presents Superman, a lot lately, so I'm not quite sure how committed he is to this premise. Personally, I've got a hard time believing my pal wants to abandon the world to reign as a king beneath the sea, or turn into a lion-man acting out a modern-day beauty and the beast.

I'm pretty sure that he wants to acquire some new powers, but there's one thing I've become sure of from our conversations on the subject:

The Fortress of ScottitudeScott wants an impenetrable ice fortress that only he can open.

He's thought about this at length, which, really, should come as no surprise to anyone. The whole thing, he says, is contingent on him winning the lottery, or otherwise coming into a ridiculous amount of money. "Trying to emulate Silver Age Superman at my current income level," he says, "would be disastrous."

And I can see where he's coming from. The cost of hiring someone to create a secret language alone could be pretty high, let alone fashioning a giant diary with metal pages to use it. I'm pretty sure that atomic powered robots to test his strength have come down since the fifties, though, and I'm pretty sure he'd only need one.

The best thing about Scott's plans, though, is that like Silver Age Superman, he wants a room dedicated to each of his friends, complete with wax statues of all of us for the centerpiece of each room. And what's more, he wants to buy us all cars to compensate us for the trouble of posing for the sculptor.

Admittedly, Superman custom-built a car for Jimmy Olsen out of scrap metal for his exhibit in the Fortress, but I was still touched by his hypothetical generosity. I think we all were.

My money's still on Chad to sneak in and taunt him with cryptic messages, though.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

The bad part is he couldn't really say "Great Scott!" without coming off all egotistical. "Merciful Minerva!" would just sound goofy, so I'll work on it for him. At the moment, I'm going to have to go with "Sweet feet!"

10/09/2005 2:01 AM

Blogger Mark W. Hale said...

I had a full run of Forever Maelstrom. I threw it in the fucking garbage.

10/09/2005 9:29 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thought you might find this interesting.


10/09/2005 4:55 PM

Blogger Chris Sims said...

Yeah yeah, saw it last week. Not quite as funny as Chris' ISB Sucks though.

10/09/2005 6:51 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like how that guy blasts Chris, but thinks anyone's interested in his imaginary girlfriend's entertainment center. I think the Talmud is more concise than that fascinating entry.

10/09/2005 8:39 PM

Blogger Chris Sims said...

Alan Hirsch, I like your style and your moves.

10/09/2005 9:17 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I dunno, unless you've done something to this guy, it struck me as a remarkably ill-mannered obnoxious flame, in which he alternates between third grade insults and statements of opinion that are apparantly largely supposed to be true because, well, he says them, all in response to what was apparantly a recounting of a semi-serious conversation. Apparantly, he just skims through blogs and tries to find something that (in his mind) justifies his being obnoxious.

10/10/2005 12:39 AM

Blogger Phil Looney said...

Wow! Someone hates you so bad, they started a whole blog? That's insane!

10/10/2005 8:09 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

and you didn't even have to jump around like an orangutan on Oprah's couch to make it happen. You a rawk star now!

10/10/2005 1:52 PM


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