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Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Spooktoberfest Special: The Bloodsucking Battle YOU Demanded!

Last week, I briefly mentioned that Laurel K. Hamilton's Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter: Guilty Pleasures #1--a title that ends about four words after it should--wasn't exactly what you'd call "good." But after a careful reconsideration, I've come to the conclusion that I might not be the best person to judge this one.

After all, I usually skip the Supernatural Erotica section of my local bookstore in favor of the Pro Wrestler Espionage and Martial Arts Western shelves, so I don't have the baseline familiarity with the character that any serious reviewer would draw upon.

I do, however, have a copy of Marvel's recent Dr. Strange vs. Dracula: The Montesi Formula trade--which revolves around a spell from the Darkhold so powerful that it wipes out all the vampires... except, you know, all of them--to use for comparison.

So with Halloween fast approaching, tonight the ISB brings you the Most Supernatural Slugfest Of All as we dare to ask the question...

Anita Blake vs. Marvel Dracula: WHO YA GOT?!

That's right: After exhausting research that consisted of both flipping through back issues of and pushing the right button on my scanner, I'm prepared to offer up a definitive five-point comparison of their defining characteristics.

Now on with it!

Round One: The Look!

Anita Blake appears to be a reasonably attractive brunette with no skin pigmentation whatsoever.

Dracula appears to be a slightly more terrifying Vincent Price.

Admittedly, Dracula probably achieves the desired effect a little better, but all things considered, I'd rather look at the albino resurrectionist.

Advantage: Blake

Round Two: Tough Talkin'!

Anita Blake:

Okay, that's not bad, even if she does spend the majority of the issue trying not to be mind-controlled into jumping onstage at a vampire strip club.

Dracula, your response?

Advantage: Dracula

Round Three: Arch-Nemeses

Dracula wages a titanic mystical battle against the eldritch might of Dr. Strange, the Sorcerer Supreme!

Also, while it doesn't happen in The Montesi Formula, I do think it's important to note that Drac here once beat the living hell out of the Silver Surfer.

Anita Blake, on the other hand, fights this douchebag.

Advantage: Dracula

Round Four: Breasts

Anita Blake:


Advantage: Blake

Round Five: Rollin' With Your Homies

Anita Blake rolls with a Sex and the City-style posse of ladies who want to lick the scars of a reedy heroin addict and snowball a mouthful of blood despite the truly unreasonable health risks.

Dracula does not.

Advantage: Dracula

And so, with three out of five, your winner is...

See? It's science


Blogger Ragnell said...

You forgot hairstyle (Advantage: Blake), posture (Advantage: Dracula), and plot (Advantage: Dracula). The end result is the same, though.

10/26/2006 1:13 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Whats really annoying is that Anita Blake is a HISPANIC. Sure the books make a point of stating that she's pale for one but shes no freakin albino...

10/26/2006 2:00 AM

Blogger Ben said...

I like how she appears to be copping a feel on herself in that one picture.

Hmm, my third straight comment dealing with breasts.

10/26/2006 4:20 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Damn straight Dracula beats this goth chick. Ole Drac was kickin it old school in "Tomb of Dracula" before this Anita chick was a glimmer in her creator's mind's eye.

10/26/2006 8:12 AM

Blogger joncormier said...

Anita, honey, you've been listening to too many Alanis Morrisette albums - that's not a pun, even though Alanis would claim it's ironic.

A pun is along the lines of "In one ear and out your mother" or pretty much any line in a Shakespeare comedy. There is no double entendre in your clever play on words. If you shouted "I suck" that would be a better pun.

10/26/2006 8:41 AM

Blogger Phil Looney said...

I think you cheaped out and sent some easy ones for Anita to win.

Also, no mention of Werewolf on the Moon?

10/26/2006 8:56 AM

Blogger Jeff Rients said...

Does The Montesi Formula include the Dr. Strange issue where Drac attacks Avengers Mansion and Monica Rambeau goes all ultraviolet on his ass? I had that ish and one the one preceding it as a kid. My favorite part was when Monica mentions she activated the Troubalert and the place would be crawling with Avengers momentarily. Dracula has a thought balloon along the lines of "Shit! I'm not ready to throw down with Thor again!" and he books it.

10/26/2006 9:28 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You forgot "Cape vs. No Cape"! That cape's gotta count for something!

As for Marvel's Dracula, I've recently discovered how great these comic were (are?), and have been scooping them up in bargain bins everywhere I go. The originals still seemed to be priced pretty reasonably, so there's no need to pick up the Essential volume yet.

Observation: Remember those shots of Dracula's face Gene Colan would draw where his eye's where glassy-black looking?

Yeah. Nothing scarier in all of comicdom.

10/26/2006 9:42 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know where I first saw anything Anita Blake-related? Well, you know those Spider-Man comics they've been reprinting and putting inside the Sunday newspaper? Yeah, I saw an Anita Blake ad inside one of those.

Nice move, Marvel. I'm sure the kids who are reading the fun Stan Lee/Steve Ditko Spidey comics along with their Sunday funnies will storm the comic shops for Anita Blake. And their parents will love you for it, too! Wheee!

Seriously, though, what the heck, Marvel? Would it kill you to slip a Power Pack ad in there? Or at least an ad for real, actual, SPIDER-MAN comics? Ones kids could go out and buy and make you some MONEY? Who's in charge of advertising there, anyway? Bozo the Clown?

10/26/2006 9:51 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Truth be told, GENE COLAN patterned DRACULA's face after JACK PALANCE (not Vincent Price).

Jack Palance is one SCARY sumbitch!

Draula wins with THAT alone!


word verification:

Which is short for Geek-way (the NEW name for the interweb).

10/26/2006 10:01 AM

Blogger Phil Looney said...

>>Seriously, though, what the heck, Marvel? Would it kill you to slip a Power Pack ad in there?

Sad to say, I somehow doubt that kids were even their target with that insert.

10/26/2006 10:06 AM

Blogger SallyP said...

Oh please. Dracula is drawn by none other than the inimitable Gene Colan. Anita Blake is just creepy...and not in a good way. And I am sorry to say, but her adversary just looks way too wussy. Bleh. Give me the classics any day.

10/26/2006 10:21 AM

Blogger Adj said...

Thank you for the Cobra Commander shout out on the caption for the last picture.

You've made my day :)

10/26/2006 10:59 AM

Blogger Aaron said...

Montesi Formula kicked ass. The best part of it was when Dr. Strange bust out the name of the Tetragrammaton (YHWH - The big God man) on Dracula. That was hot.

10/26/2006 3:10 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I didn't buy this because I've read the novels and got over it, but anyone who's read the novels is prolly laughing about the "fights this douchebag" bit, 'cause oh yeah, baby, he's a recurring character. Recurrs ALL night long.

10/26/2006 4:39 PM

Blogger Rashenbo said...

Priceless! Dracula wins any day!!!

10/26/2006 8:15 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

recurring or not....he still looks like a douche bag.

He also looks like Anne Rice needs to sue somebody.

10/26/2006 8:58 PM

Blogger Chris Sims said...

anyone who's read the novels is prolly laughing about the "fights this douchebag" bit, 'cause oh yeah, baby, he's a recurring character.

And somehow, this fails to surprise me. He's far too wispy to be a one-off, especially with an allegedly cool scar thrown in for good measure.

10/26/2006 8:59 PM

Blogger Chance said...

This contest is of no interest to me. bring on Batman vs. Dracula!

Who will wreck the other's shit?!

10/26/2006 10:29 PM

Blogger Ivy Frozen said...

I read the books and I'm not too impressed with the comic. The "douchebag" is a little too cute and chubby, Anita is whiter than hospital walls, and the thoughts that work so well in the book are kind of annoying in the comic. Of course, that's judging on the preview I saw of the first 8 pages. Mary Sue was right on with the laughing at the douchebag comment though... I just happen to find that character hilariously entertaining (& I wanna raid his closet.).

10/26/2006 10:48 PM

Blogger Ferrous Buller said...

bring on Batman vs. Dracula!

Been there. Done that.

10/26/2006 11:01 PM

Blogger John Bligh said...

Anita Blake: Worst.Book.Ever.

10/27/2006 7:24 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I once dated a girl who was a fool for the Anita Blake books. In the interest of romantic harmony, I read through one of them, though I forget the title. It was about halfway through the series, '97 or so. Hoo boy. My girl - who wore a lot of black, for what it's worth - told me they were in the same vein (heh) as the Anne Rice stuff*, but I was not quite prepared. Ms. Blake do get around.

The Montesi Formula Doc Strange stuff, though, rocks not unlike Dokken might on a good day. Just awesome stuff, from Hannibal King pulling off the only "sympathetic vampire" that's ever worked without being equally whiny to Wong getting his shit together to womp some serious bloodsucker tail.

Wolfman and Colan's take on the Big D is still definitive...well, apart from the actual original book, of course.

And it's in trade, you say...cool! I know what Santa's bringing someone this year.

* Though not to mean exactly the same, of course, just the closest connection I had. I like my vampires old school.

10/27/2006 7:53 PM

Blogger Richelle Mead said...

Holy smokes. This was the best thing I've read in a long time. Marry me, Chris.

11/05/2006 3:10 PM

Blogger Chris Sims said...


11/07/2006 8:51 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Personally I like the Clan of the Cats version of Dracula then the one drawn here (dunno, the design I just liked...w very Bram Stoker) but yea, Drac whoops Anita's ass 10X over.

I think that's why LKH made an excuse not to have Dracula in the novels.

In the novels the original Dracula went mad and was killed, then another vamp took his name and went mad and was killed too. Lame explanation really.

1/03/2007 12:15 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

've read both of the comics and the Anita blake novels (i'm a vampire junkie)

Dracular wins, hands down 'cause he's a vampire... period

Anne rice should totally sue Laurrel k Hammelton for ripping of her books but i suppose she wouldn't want to assotiate herself with those really crap comics.

The "douchbag" is not the bad guy in the novels or the comics, she just doesn't like him. heh 'douchbag'!

9/28/2007 3:36 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Actually, Blake DOESN'T fight that douchebag. She fights a 12 (200) year old vampire lord that tortures one of Blake's love-interests, kills him, ressurects him, and lets him freak out after remembering what she did to him. Anita gets to watch. Oh, and vampires are protected by law.

The "heroin addict" is actually addicted to being bitten by vampires, and miscellaneous other S&M activities. Freakin' masochist.

9/27/2008 2:27 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Of course, since you brought up Vincent Price, I couldn't help reading all Dracula's word balloons in his voice...

'Mankind has ruled this planet as a stumbling child-king long enough!'

3/13/2009 12:42 PM

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