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Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Volstagg's Guide to Life

Even with last night's post about the sheer majesty of the Warriors Three, I've still found myself doing a lot of thinking about Asgard's greatest fighters today, and I've come to the conclusion that there's an awful lot we mere mortals of Midgard can learn from that font of godly wisdom, Volstagg.

Yes, Volstagg, the Henpecked Lion of Asgard! And really, who better to take advice from? He's family man who enjoys the finer things in life, and on the weekends he puts on a pink doublet and beats the living crap out of Frost Giants with his best friends. Truly, he is everything we all want to be.

So once again, it falls to me to disseminate a nigh-immortal lifetime's worth of achievement into a series of easily digestible mantras that will be--as I'm sure we're all hoping at this point--my last word on the subject for a while. Thus, I give to you...

The Wit and Wisdom of Volstagg the Voluminous

Volstagg on... Generosity!

Volstagg on... Priorities!

Volstagg on... Parenting!

Volstagg on... Moderation!

And of course, Volstagg on... Keeping It Real!

Truly, he is a sage for our times.

More Helpful Hints from the ISB:

| Jimmy Olsen's Guide to Life |


Blogger Rob S. said...

In that last picture, it looks like Volstagg's breakdancing on the poor guy.

That's just cruel.

3/07/2007 1:15 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...


In that case, Volstagg is Vibe's spiritual twin.


But anyway, I shall be following Volstagg's guide to life rigorously from now on.

3/07/2007 4:05 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ha! Screw my plan to expose myself to radiation, I'm just gorge myself on chili dogs until I become a superhero.

3/07/2007 4:47 AM

Blogger Olav The Hairy said...

long time reader, first time poster.


need to find that pic of Volstagg and his wife, Hildy and all the rest that Simonson did...now THAT'S a role model for us dads!

well done Chris, bloody great work.


3/07/2007 7:38 AM

Blogger Siskoid said...

It's all about the hat, isn't it?

Volstagg, yes, cool.
Hogun, cool.
Green Arrow... umm...

3/07/2007 7:55 AM

Blogger SallyP said...

Volstagg is just great. Do you all remember the Thor episode where the Warriors Three come to Earth, and he discovers MacDonald's? Although he calls it the "Temple of the Golden Arches"

Heh heh.

3/07/2007 9:32 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ah, Volstagg! Fatter than you, but twice as cool as well.

The best scene in Blood Oath is when they visit Stonehenge and Volstagg vogues for the tourists. Now that's a guy who knows how to work a crowd!

3/07/2007 10:21 AM

Blogger Jason said...

The Warriors Three are like the three prime variations of pimps:

1. Fandrall - Don Juan Pretty Boy
2. Hogun - Strong Silent Type
3. Volstagg - Livin' Large Big Poppa

3/07/2007 10:23 AM

Blogger Jeff Rients said...

The Warriors Three are totally going to be part of the Norse Pantheon for my next D&D campaign.

3/07/2007 10:55 AM

Blogger Benito said...

Since with the release of Captain America #25 Marvel Comics has basically sent me a certified telegram directly to my personal home address saying they no longer feel like producing any comics of any interest to me, my proposed solution, Chris Sims, is that we just e-mail Warriors Three fanfic back and forth to each other.

What do you say?


3/07/2007 11:40 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Have you seen this travesty?


3/07/2007 12:11 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ahhh...Volstagg...whose blustery, disguised cowardice was one of the great running jokes of Silver and Bronze Age Marvel.

Which is why I'm hoping your next Volstagg bit includes his observations on bravery and courage.

3/07/2007 1:08 PM

Blogger Jeff said...

I cannot wait for The Warriors Three to have an epic, Roadhouse-style throwdown in the new Thor book. I think it's the best reason that JMS could have to set the book in Oklahoma.

Just picture it!

Redneck: Hey, Robin Hood! You lookin' at my gal?

Volstagg!: Yea, miscreant, and I wilst continue to rest mine gaze upon her while Hogun the Grim smites thee in thine posterior!

3/07/2007 3:17 PM

Blogger Jason said...

"...while Hogun the Grim smites thee in thine posterior!"

Yeah, and knowing JMS, we'll get to see Hogun's "O face" while he smites away.

3/07/2007 3:34 PM

Blogger Siskoid said...

Jeff, I believe the correct mode of address for Volstagg is "Turnip Head".

3/12/2007 11:42 AM


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