Chris vs. Previews: March, Part Two

After slugging it out with the major publishers in last night's installment of the ISB's monthly Previews Roundup--because you demanded it!--tonight belongs to the rest of the mag: The indies, the merchandise, and of course, a stern look at the Super-Classy Apparel that the tastemakers at Diamond have decided to unleash on a weary public. So of course, the question on everyone's mind tonight is...

What am I going to say to cheese off the readers of Gold Digger this time?

If I was a betting man, I'd say it's probably got something to do with this:



But there's only one way to find out! Part Two Starts Now!

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Comics

P. 231: Archie Comics: It's offered again here, but I remember seeing the solicitation for Archie #500 the first time around, and thinking how weird it was that it promised to show the 500th time that Archie gets thrown out of Mr. Lodge's house, the 500th time he accidentally makes the same date with Betty and Veronica, and so on, because that's essentially trying to sell you on the book by saying: "It's everything you've seen before, just done again!" Of course, this was before I realized that that's pretty much the tactic DC's using to sell Justice Society of America, so now I just think it's nice that Archie's honest about it.

P. 242: Avatar Press: Earlier tonight on the Bad Signal, Warren Ellis, commonly known as the creator of Nextwave and therefore the Savior of Modern Comics, mentioned that he'll have a lot of work coming up from Avatar over the next year, and that he wants to "completely change people's expectations of that publisher."

You know what'd change my expectations of Avatar? A month without twenty-two covers worth of Lady Death.



P. 269: Del Ray: Okay, so from what I can understand from the solicitation here, Avril Lavigne's Make Five Wishes concerns everyone's favorite insultingly faux-punk Canadian pop tart appearing via mystical powers to her fans and inspiring them to believe in themselves and achieve their goals. Which essentially means that it's the exact same comic as Mr. T and the T-Force, except with Avril Lavigne.

If she fights Space Dinosaurs in volume 2, I will be on 'til the break of dawn.

P. 294: First Second Publishing: Expect a full review later on this week, but just so everybody knows where to find it, The Professor's Daughter's solicited here, and it is easily one of the best graphic novels I've read in the past year. It's funny, sad, action-packed, well-written and absolutely gorgeous, and will probably be the single greatest love story between a proper Victorian Englishwoman and a mummy that you read all year.


P. 374: Wildcard Ink: Bob Burden likes Gumby a heck of a lot more than I do, but from the one issue I've managed to scrounge up of his work on the title, it's like he's on a mission to show everyone else exactly why he loves the character so much. And it works, too: The stories he does with Rick Geary and Steve Oliff capture the great visuals and surreal fun of the concept in a way that the claymation stuff never managed to do for me, and they are pure joy to read. There was an issue solicited last month, but the trade of Volume 1's right here. Check it out.

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Apparel

P. 420: Even in these divisive times, I'd like to think that we can all join together as one people and agree on this:



Tie-dyed t-shirts need to stop. And tie-dyed t-shirts involving super-heroes need to die a swift and horrible death, never to be thought of again save for reflections on our most shameful hours.

P. 422: Like Sterling, I am simultaneously repelled and intrigued by the idea of footwear that I could purchase at a comic book store, but this can't possibly be a good purchase. Admittedly, I gave up my studies of cobbling when I realized that there was more money to be had in fields that haven't been obsolete since the 19th century (like, say, the daring jet-set field of internet-based freelance comedy writing), but those things don't look like they're one-size-fits-all. Still, fourteen bucks makes it almost tempting enough to order just on general principle.

The keyword, of course, being "almost." Those throwing stars over on page 498, though...

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And that's the catalog. There's plenty more actually in there, but, well, what can I say about the allegedly Lovecraft-inspired statues of busty Anime girls in bikinis that isn't implicit in this very sentence? If you've got any questions, though--or just want to hear me extoll the virtues of the Cutey Honey live-action movie (p. 526), feel free to leave a comment below.

Seriously, though? I'm totally getting those throwing stars and building a fort out of long boxes of ROM: Spaceknight. Believe it.