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Saturday, February 17, 2007

Crimes of Fashion: Orion the Hunter

What exactly is going on here?!

"No, I'm pretty sure it was that time I dropped acid at a zoo. Yeah, that was it."

Yes, from the pages of a Bouncing Boy solo story--yes, a Bouncing Boy solo story--in Superboy #199, we have Orion the Hunter, who may actually have the most visually assaulting costume in the history of comics. Let's go down the list, shall we?

  1. A crew cut topped off by pigtails.
  2. An eyepatch.
  3. A barbershop-quartetesque handlebar moustache.
  4. What appears to be a bear-and-leopard-skin vest with shoulder-horns and golden claws.
  5. Giant golden animal head bling.
  6. A heavyweight championship belt with supply pouches.
  7. Zebra-skin boots.

  8. All of which are charmingly accessorized with...

  9. A bright pink machine gun.


Make no mistake, friends: The future is a grim and terrible place.

More From the ISB Fashion Files:
| Crimes of Fashion: The Atom |
| The Fantasy Heroine's Guide to Fashion: Valda |
| Fourth-World Fashions |


Blogger Mike P said...

He looks rather like a homosexual version of Kraven the Hunter, doesn't he?

2/18/2007 12:31 AM

Anonymous Ron said...

Well, now we know who lost the "Last guy in the room has to be Cesar Romero" contest.

2/18/2007 1:11 AM

Anonymous Ron said...

Also, I meant to say: Kraven looks like a homosexual version of Kraven the Hunter, when you get right down to it.

2/18/2007 1:13 AM

Blogger Jon Hex said...

You forgot the matching zebra wristbands.

2/18/2007 1:55 AM

Blogger Mike Haseloff said...

Oh, okay. I get it now.
Actually, it kinda makes sense that the Legion of Super Heroes would be Marvel hell. If not a broader infernal afterlife.

Kids -- suicide solves nothing!

Neither does Legion of Super Heroes...

2/18/2007 2:04 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

He looks like a cross between Kraven the Hunter, Nick Fury, Dum Dum Dugan and SOMETHING OUT OF MY NIGHTMARES PLEASE GOD TAKE IT AWAY!

2/18/2007 2:35 AM

Anonymous Fiendenstein said...

Is that like some weird version of space emo or even weirder fashion, because I'll be damned if I'm letting my great-great-great-great-great-grandkids go out dressed like that!

2/18/2007 3:29 AM

Blogger Doctor Polaris said...

There's a reason why the women of the 31st century were throwing themselves at me when I was there.

Other than the obvious, of course.

2/18/2007 6:48 AM

Blogger Gemm said...

If we were to hear him speak I believe he would sound like the Olsen twins from "Full House."

Seriously... I think I just violated my gray matter with a pencil...

2/18/2007 7:36 AM

Blogger SallyP said...

He'd almost look like a villain...a very poorly accessorized villain...except for the ponytails.

It's hard to intimidate your enemies when they are clutching their sides in hysterical laughter.

2/18/2007 10:13 AM

Anonymous longtime lurker said...

That Bouncing Boy ended up with Harem Lass, er... Duo Damsel, now makes a lot more sense when you start to consider the context.

Maybe he's a descendent of the Menagarie Man (http://www.comicbookdb.com/graphics/comic_graphics/1/124/63759_20060919232100_large.jpg)

2/18/2007 11:09 AM

Blogger bitterandrew said...

This is what happens when the only book that survives the Great Catastrophe is The Adventures of Pippi Longstocking.

2/18/2007 12:11 PM

Anonymous SanctumSanctorumComix said...


Let's go over this ...uh...guy(?) from head to toe:

HAIR - ripped off of ASTRA of the Shi'Ar Imperial Guard.

Eyepatch & Mustache - love child of Nick Fury and DumDum Dugan.

Claw-tipped top - Stolen from FANG (again, of the Imperial Guard), who's costume was already stolen and worn by Wolverine for awhile & X-52 (or whatever the hell his daughter's name is).

Necklace - not quite the same as WHITE TIGER's, but it'll do.

EVERYTHING ELSE - looks like Kraven the Hunter's corpse has been robbed.

Spikey shoulder thingees - Banana Republic? Uber-gay man's big&tall?


Just... just make it go away!


2/18/2007 12:34 PM

Anonymous Buck Ripsnort said...

I could dismiss it all w/ a "That's funnybooks for ya, kids!" if it weren't for the pigtails. The pigtails were a DELIBERATE offense.

2/18/2007 1:18 PM

Blogger Hulkster said...

You'd expect a guy who so obviously loves to accessorize to carry the theme to the bitter end with a tiger-striped eye patch. Frankly, I'm disappointed.

2/18/2007 1:29 PM

Blogger notintheface said...

"This is Dave Cockrum.

This is Dave Cockrum on drugs.

Any questions?"

2/18/2007 2:38 PM

Anonymous Rich said...

All things considered, that outfit is no more undignified than Kraven's, although his hair is certainly worse.

About what I'd expect from the villain in a solo Bouncing Boy adventure, really.

2/18/2007 3:38 PM

Anonymous Jon H said...

It only looks like a bright pink machine gun.

It's actually a device far more fabulous than that.

2/18/2007 4:12 PM

Blogger Dwayne "the canoe guy" said...

Actually it looks like one of the Road Reapers out of HEX!!!

2/18/2007 5:29 PM

Anonymous longtime lurker said...

Anyone remember when Kraven's lion vest was some kind of mind warp/flash device?

I swear, I was too young to drink when I saw that...

2/18/2007 5:40 PM

Blogger googum said...

Anyone catch "Hunter's" animated debut on Legion of Super-Heroes last week? He appears as part of Mekt Ranzz's LightSpeed Vanguard. (You know where they're going with that...)

And of course, they gave him the Crocodile Hunter's accent...

2/19/2007 9:31 AM

Anonymous Lorene said...

Yeah, that pink gun isn't phallic at all.

He looks like a Marvel hero/villain/Barbie Mr. Potato Head and this is what Stan Lee came up with after a few shots of Jack Daniels.

2/19/2007 10:05 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I double-dog-DARE a cosplayer to wear this outfit at the next Comicon.

2/20/2007 7:38 PM

Blogger Mark Engblom said...

It's the three-way love child of Kraven the Hunter, Nick Fury and Dum-Dum Dugan!

3/22/2007 12:37 AM

Anonymous Spider-Man Reviewed said...

I love the way Bouncing Boy says, "Somehow you look familiar." Was it the writer (Cary Bates?) acknowledging what he knew we were all thinking?

2/24/2010 6:17 AM

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