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Sunday, February 13, 2005

We Are The Future, Charles... Not Them!

My self-imposed daily update schedule can, at times, be a cruel mistress. I've been writing for years, I've never even kept a diary, let alone a diary that is on the internet, so coming up with a fresh topic every day can be pretty difficult at times. But then sometimes, every now and then, you get one that practically writes itself.

This is one of those.

One of the weirdest things about working at the shop is the bizarre mail we get. I guess it comes with being a massive store that stocks what appear to be completely random items. For instance, we're regular recipients of the BudK catalog, the world's foremost mail-order knife and sword retailer. These guys are what you might call "awesome."

You can get everything you could possibly ever want from BudK. Need a jar full of folding pocketknives? A set of brass knuckles? A tye-dyed t-shirt that features lightning, a wolf, and a confederate flag? They've got it all! They even feature a fine selection of cutlery emblazoned with Swastika, just in case you misplaced yours after the last Hitler Youth meeting. (I feel compelled to note, at this point, that every appearance of Nazi paraphenailia there's a disclaimer explaining that they're only offered for historical purposes).

Still, that's hardly the strangest thing the mailman's dropped off, but nothing could've prepared me for the postcard we got a few weeks ago.

Feast your eyes, my friends, on the Brotherhood Tarot.

Finally--finally--a gay spirited tarot deck! The masses can cease their clamoring. No, it's not a way to tell your future alongside Magneto, Pyro, Toad, and Mystique, it's even better. Some genius found a way to take tarot cards and make them even gayer.

Let's examine that picture in-depth, shall we?

Recently on Arrested Development, David Cross's character became an understudy for the Blue Man Group, and was constantly painting himself blue in case he got the call. I'll be damned if our friend the Two of Swords over there isn't a dead ringer for him, right down to the way he blued himself. Still, it doesn't do a lot to hide the copious amount of body hair he sports, but that might be part of the "gay spirited" theme that I'm just not familiar with.

I do, after all, love the ladies.

Anyway, back to Deuce McSwordy over there, check out his left-hand weapon (try not to be distracted by the bitchin' medallion). Why, is that an officially licensed Lord of the Rings movie replica of Sting? And where do you suppose they got that from, hm? And that's how we tie that shit together.

The back of the card is no less mystifying. I'm hoping to get a little more insight into it once I get back into college and sign up for Gay History Before 1800. Also, it includes the term "Radical Faerie," which just makes me think of an ill conceived "edgy" TV ad campaign for homosexuality. You know, "Man on man sex is RADICAL!"

I wish I had more information, but the sad fact is, after thoroughly checking the thrice-accursed Internet until I got bored and went to go watch TV, I was only left with one impression.

The card "Ace of Rods" is woefully misleading.

2 Comments:

Blogger autryman said...

That Radical Faerie Deuce McSwordy looks evil. I would like to see Jack Kirby kick his ass.

2/14/2005 3:02 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Check out the 'radical' artwork!

3/03/2005 9:17 PM

 

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