I Hate To Say It, But...
...I am really in no state to offer up any kind of viable content tonight.
Yes, much like the Thing, I too witnessed professional wrestling tonight, as part of the live audience for the season premiere of WWE's Monday Night Raw, which, aside from being a ridiculously exciting event, allowed me to:
A) Fulfill my lifelong goal of seeing Arn Anderson, Rowdy Roddy Piper, the Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase, and--I kid you not--Irwin R. Schyster giving the business to a group of ersatz male cheerleaders.
B) Confirm my earlier suspicions that, yes, Maria Kanellis is in fact the hottest woman on television.
If you happened to Tivo it, look for me. I was the guy in the t-shirt.
Anyway, I seriously considered doing a roundup of the World Wrestling Federation comics produced by our old friends at Chaos Comics to coincide with my trip to Raw, but trust me: Those things are atrocious, and we're probably all a lot better off if they remain as unscanned as humanly possible.
So I'm afraid you'll have to look elsewhere for comedy tonight. But in the interest of providing a public service, here are a few thematic links:
If you haven't already, you may want to check out my review of Big Apple Takedown, the officially liscensed WWE novel that teaches us that there is no problem--whether it's claustrophobia or international terrorism--that can't be solved with a judicious application of large men with steel chairs.
Or, if you're in the mood for something more classic, my look at the Self-Destruction of the Ultimate Warrior DVD from last year might be more your speed, although it's notable mostly for my transcriptions of the Warrior's most incomprehensible sentences.
Speaking of the Warrior, Jake Bell at Ye Olde Comick Booke Blogge did a mind-shattering multi-part write-up of Warrior, the most incomprehensible comic known to man which is well worth your time, and the inimitable Dave Campbell brought us a full review of Kevin Nash's adventures in the post-apocalyptic future.
Finally, for more off-site hilarity, I'd be remiss if I didn't point out CRACKED.com's recent feature on The Eight Most Insane Moments in Pro Wrestling History. Surprisingly, the Ultimate Warrior appears in none of them.