Viva La Super-Pet Revolucion!
Whether it's Power Man and Iron Fist beating up a Tiger or Jimmy Olsen karate kicking a leopard while living out his past life as Marco Polo, I've given a lot of time over lately to discussing comic book characters fighting animals, which I'm reasonably certain surprises nobody.
But what I haven't mentioned is that sometimes, those animals fight back. And so in the interest of keeping things fair, we turn once again to that most awesome of times, the 30th Century, and Adventure Comics #364 for...
I've briefly mentioned this Jim Shooter/Pete Costanza epic before when I posted the panel where Streaky body-checks Chameleon Boy right in the mean bean machine, but considering that only 93% of the stories involving the super-pets feature them rebelling against their owners, I imagine a few of you were curious as to how things escalated to that point.
Shockingly, it starts out with Brainiac 5 being a total jerk. See, the Legion of Super-Pets--which, I remind you, contains a dog, a cat, a monkey, a horse and... uh... whatever Proty II is--thoroughly defeats an invasion of earth by a trio of fully-armed Remote-Control Crime Machines, saving countless citizens from death by disitegrator ray. And apparently, that's just not good enough.
Admittedly, Brainiac has a point, but considering that a) they are animals, and b) Krypto never built a robot that went on a murderous rampage and killed one of his friends, you'd think he'd cut them a little slack.
Anyway, that's the last straw for the Super-Pets, who decide they've had enough of their second class treatment and, despite Saturn Girl's attempts to talk it over, decide to relocate to the planet Thanl with their new friend Rikkor Rost. And not to spoil the suspense, but we can already tell that guy's evil by virtue of having the most severe Widow's Peak I have ever seen:
He whisks them off to Thanl with his teleporter just in time for Superboy and the rest of the Legionnaires to come back from their own battle with the Remote-Control Crime Machines. Apparently they followed Brainy's standard procedure and were still thwarted when said Crime Machines vanished into thin vacuum, so it seems they owe a certain group of Super-Pets an apology.
Of course, once they actually get to Thanl, it's a little more complicated than that, as the local population has flipped for Krypto's running crew. Still, once the Super-Heroes actually get around to talking to the Super-Pets, they've almost got them convinced to come back with Superboy's kind words to Krypto and Supergirl's heartfelt plea to Streaky.
And that's when Chameleon Boy goes apeshit.
And, well, I think we all know where it goes from there.
Before long, the Super-Pets have beaten the living crap out of the Legionnaires, a fight that ends with Comet kicking their space-ship so hard that it flies back to Earth, which may actually be the Legion's most humiliating defeat ever.
But it doesn't end there! Under the guidance of Rikkor Rost, the Super-Pets decide that the Legion's probably plotting against them and the relatively good-natured people of Thanl, and decide to send Comet and Proty to infiltrate as spies.
Comet, taking advantage of the fact that he turns into a human being whenver he's around a comet due to a curse by Circe from what's got to be the most complicated Non-Claremont origin in the history of comics, takes the identity of Biron the Bowman whose mastery of the longbow is matched only by the tininess of his shorts! And Proty assumes the secret identity of... Blockade Boy!
Well, not that Blockade Boy. He's actually disguised as the one who died in The Stalag of Space twenty-two issues ago, but when he's asked about it, he manages to stumble his way into blurting out "Er... I'm his brother!" while talking directly to Saturn Girl, the Telepath.
Smooth, Proty. Very smooth.
Incidentally, Supergirl's there when they show up, and despite the fact that one of the Kryptonian super-powers total recall memory and the fact that she actually remarks on how much they look alike, she can't quite put it together that Biron the Bowman and Bronco Bill Starr--the fake name Comet uses to woo Kara as a rodeo professional back in the 20th century--are actually the same person. So yeah: Not exactly a braintrust.
Eventually, of course, Proty and Comet come to the conclusion that, no, the Legion is not plotting against them. Even better, with the information they have about Rikkor's teleport technology, they're able to catch up with what the rest of us figured out back on Page 9 and come to the conclusion that Thanl's behind the invasion of the Crime Machines, which, of course...
...leads to the Legion stomping on Rikkor's face hard enough that everything works out okay. Invisible Kid even goes so far as to tell the Comet that they recognized him right off when he tried out as Biron the Bowman, but wanted to prove that they could re-earn the Super-Pets' trust. Heck, they even sent Supergirl off on another mission so she wouldn't find out about Comet's dual identity, which, uh, means that the Legion is totally cool with the fact that Supergirl occasionally dates a horse.
So once again, evil is defeated, and everyone has a good long laugh about their little misunderstanding.
Except for Streaky, who even now is plotting his terrible, terrible revenge.
More Equiphilic Fun with the Legion of Super-Heroes!
| Revolt of the Girl Legionnaires |
| Just So You Know... |
| The Crank File: Adventure #303 |
| Just So We're Clear On This... |
| Jimmy Olsen: Chick Magnet... of the Future! |
| The Superboy Sound Effect Showdown |
| Superboy Prime is Entering a World of Pain |
| Badass Week Finale: The Toughest Woman in Comics |
| Can Nothing Stop Computo?! |
| Profiles in Courage: Evillo |