Last week, noted raconteur and bon vivant John Holbo "tagged" me for the meme that's going around where you tell five things about yourself that most people don't know, and since I always try to keep on the cutting edge of things, I resolved to do just that once I'd been forced by the calendar to stop writing about Santa Claus.
The problem, of course, is that I've been writing a daily blog for almost two years, and with my love of throwaway jokes, there's not a whole heck of a lot that people don't know about me already, and if you're a loyal ISB reader, it's not really going to come as a surprise that I was really into the Cartoon Network's Totally Spies! over the summer of 2004, or that my heart was broken when I found out Roddy Piper isn't really from Scotland. So with that in mind, I've racked my brains to come up with things that I haven't used as the punchline for a joke about the Teen Titans.
Let's see what I've got!
- In High School, I was voted "Most Unique."
I'm pretty sure this was based entirely on my teenage love for Hawaiian shirts and a purely nonsensical column I wrote in the school paper called "Hardcore Journalism." Also of note, almost everyone who signed my yearbook included a line about sticking with my writing, which really discouraged me from continuing with my childhood dream of being a zombie-battling male model rock star.
- I have an intense, almost pathological fear and hatred of mold.
It probably has a lot to do with my intense love of breads and cheeses, but whatever the case, I cannot stand it, and if I see some creeping onto my food, it's all I can do to bring myself to pick it up and throw it away without developing a debilitating case of the jibblies.
- I'm the only member of my family who can actually tell a joke.
It's not that my relatives don't have a good sense of humor--although a good 73% of them don't--but they'll meander their ways through five minutes of setup, backtracking three or four times just to get to the end of a light bulb joke.
The exception, of course, was the joke my mother told on the way through the door to my dad's funeral. That one, she nailed.
- I really, really like the movie Love Actually.
I covered this one in the Christmas Comedy Encyclopedia for Cracked, but it bears repeating: That scene where Bill Nighy goes to his producer on Christmas Eve so that he won't have to spend the holiday alone? I get so choked up there. It's ridiculous.
- I have seen neither Commando nor Predator.
And yet, I love to shout "Get to the choppah!" at every conceivable opportunity.
So there you have it: Five things that you probably didn't know about me, but most likely could've guessed if you somehow had to.
And one day, you will have to.
Over at Random Panels, Brandon Bragg has dared to investigate the extent of my sinister master plan for total internet domination!
I will have vengeance!