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Saturday, January 06, 2007

Awesomeversary Special: The Recap Contest Revealed!

This, my friends, marks not only the first ISB post of 2007, but also the first post of the ISB's third year. I intend to hold off on the actual reminiscing until tomorrow, but I've got to say: There's just something magical about being able to cajole a small army of adults into drawing pictures of super-heroes with crayons.

Seriously, you guys are awesome. As for the contest itself, I think I can go ahead and call it a success, although there seemed to be a bit of confusion on the rules. This probably comes from the fact that I called it the 2007 recap contest, but apparently a lot of people thought that meant that the object was to do a story from the past year, which it wasn't. Pretty much anything except for what was still going on was fair game, and while I probably should've mentioned that a few days ago, it didn't seem to stop anyone from having a good time with it.

Now, the entrants!






SECTION 1: POSTED ON THE WEB

Canton brings us the Ultimate Fantastic Four in Frightful (from UFF #30-32), and while I'd normally disqualify it for using a slightly-photoshopped version of my own drawings, that's a pretty good way to sum up a story drawn by Greg Land.

Jon offers up a monocrhomatic summary of Ultimate Extinction, wherein the heroes of the Ultimate Universe shoot Galactus with beams of happy thoughts, which was a lot less silly before I had to type it out.

Loren wins the unofficial "Most Adorable" prize for his take on The All-New Atom #1-6.

Mightygodking apparently did not care for BEYOND! as much as I did. Oh well!

Ragtime didn't really have a choice but to include Jericho in the abridged version of Teen Titans: One Year Later.

Mark Engblom includes both a kick to the face and bold new concepts like "perspective" and "backgrounds" in a surprisingly well-drawn recap of The Death of Gwen Stacy.

Googum may have actually been the only person in the country who actually read the relaunch of Warlord, and thanks to him, you don't have to.

Diamondrock undoubtedly got some pointers from his pal Azrael when he took on one of my favorites, Robin: Boy Wanted.

The Hipster Doofus reveals the tortured mind of Marc Spector in a recap of the Moon Knight relaunch that's actually much easier to get through than the original.

Jeff Rients didn't bother with a story, but that's pretty well in the spirit of Nextwave: Agents of HATE!

McGone has a few words for those of you who just started reading Nextwave.

Chris Heimpel's cheery, one-page version of Desolation Jones includes my single favorite line of the entire contest: "You don't win fights by being a better boxer, you win 'em by being a Warren Ellis avatar."

Jeff clearly felt that Seven Soldiers left something to be desired.

Sleestak (of Lady, That's My Skull) abbreviates Garth Ennis's Marvel MAX Fury mini-series to within an inch of its miserable life!

Sean Kleefeld leaves out the awesome fight with Arcade's Hulk Robots, but presents an otherwise accurate summary of The Thing.

Jake is a slacker. For shame, Jake. For shame.

"Starman" Matt Morrison, whose place in the Knight Family Legacy is yet to be revealed, greatly improves on the workds of Judd Winick with a new version of Green Arrow: One Year Later. Like that's hard.

Charlie Anders thinks her entry's crappy, despite being the only version of Knightfall to include the word "recidivism."

Matt Brady offers up Nextwave #1-2, complete with matching jackets!

Richelle Mead and Caitlin Kitteredge show off their skills as professional writer-types with the Death and Resurrection of Collossus (also featuring Batman)!

Kalinara, unlike her slacker partner, finished an entry: Revenge of the Green Lanterns!

SECTION 2: MAILED TO THE ISB! (Click for larger images, of course)

Notintheface dares the impossible: Improving on Bruce Jones:



Wake reveals something we should all know about Batman:



Keenan Funk and I are on a mission to ensure that nobody ever draws a stick-figure of Tony Stark without a martini in hand:






Honorable Mentions:

David Thiel goes back to 1974 for Marvel Team-Up #20, wherein Dinosaurs led by Stegron invade New York and are subsequently punched in the face by Spider-Man. That, my friends, is a beautiful thing.

Brandon Bragg of the inimitable Random Panels brings us Fatal Attractions, and his stick figures put mine to shame, especially in the last panel. If Charles Schultz had gotten around to introducing bone-claws into Peanuts, it would look like this.

Captain Supercool certainly lived up to his name with a recap of Batman & Son, which almost took the top prize solely for the use of Marvel's old "Pop Art" logo in Panel 2, let alone the kick to the face and the joyous reappearance of Shirtless Batman. It's excellent.

Tom Foss of the Fortress of Soliloquy included the phrase "It's clobberin' time, Senate Subcommittee Chairman!" in his recap of the utterly rad Acts of Vengeance. Further explanation should not be necessary.

Brian Smith has an intriguing fixation on the Enchantress, which is what happens when you read The Marvel Super-Heroes Secret Wars as a kid.

And finally, the first runner-up: TheDeadPenguin recaps Mike Oeming and Travel Foreman's Ares (which I've joined up into one image for convenience here), and it is awesome. The use of "APARO!" as a sound effect of the God of War punching someone sells the whole thing, but even the style itself is exaclty the kind of "just-enough-detail" that I like, and actually reminded me a lot of classic internet flash movie "Dad's Home," which was a lot of fun.

But sadly, there can be only one winner, and that is...




Timothy Curtin's "PLANETARY IN 30 SECONDS!"



(Click the image for the full, super-sized saga in an eight-panel, 1 MB image!)


This was one of the ones that was sent to me via email pretty early in the contest, and the fact that you're all going to see it now for the first time is one of my favorite things about the whole shebang. It was obvious from the start that Timothy put a lot of work into the panels to make up for the blank ones in the middle, which is probably why the original files were so freaking ginormous, but it was all worth it when I hit that sixth panel and started cracking up.

Great Job, Tiomothy! You've won yourself a signed copy of CRACKED Magazine #3, some guaranteed-awesome back issues, and an increasingly irrelevant crayon drawing by me.

And that's the contest, but before I wrap it up, I'd like to sincerely thank everybody who participated this time around. It was a pretty goofy idea, and you guys did a great job with it. As for me, I'll be back tomorrow for the start of a bold new era as the ISB enters Year 3! BE THERE!




BONUS FEATURE: The ISB In 30?!


Realizing that my ego knows no bounds, Mallet (of The Zombie Mallet entered the contest with a summary of this very blog over the year 2006, and while I couldn't in good conscience call it the winner--the ISB's not a comic, after all--I was very tempted. Check it out:



But there's no reason I can't give it an honorary award for excellence in the field of making me look totally awesome. Congratulations, Mallet: You just got yourself a drawing of Namor.

29 Comments:

Anonymous zr man said...

My comic, a recap of the comics published by Marvel in 2006 wasn't posted. I have to wonder if that's because I didn't e-mail it or because of the explicit content in it. :(

1/07/2007 3:06 AM

 
Blogger Jeff said...

Chris, I don't take issue with Frankenstein's monster shooting evil bovines in the face with a comically large gun. For shame.

God, the winner was fabulous, though. Well-deserved!

1/07/2007 3:30 AM

 
Blogger LurkerWithout said...

It is scary how accurate 30 Second Planetary is. Its like he took a picture of my brain in crayon...

1/07/2007 5:05 AM

 
Blogger Nathan P. Mahney said...

Arrrrggghhhh... With Millar-like lateness, I have entered my thingy too late!!!

But it is here nonetheless - The New Avengers Illuminati Special in 30 seconds!!!

1/07/2007 5:45 AM

 
Blogger jonni said...

"I've a BTEC National in nut kicking you slag."

Deserved the win just for that.

1/07/2007 5:52 AM

 
Anonymous Carlos said...

... can't seem to get the larger picture of Tony Stark w/Extremis martini to work.

1/07/2007 8:31 AM

 
Anonymous Loren said...

What? I've won the "unofficial 'Most Adorable' prize?!?"

I'd like to thank God, Buddha, the prophet Mohamed, Ganesha, the wizard Shazam!, great Odin's raven, Hilary Swank's ex-husband Chad Lowe, Gwyneth Paltrow's mother Blythe Danner, Detective Chimp and my mom for this honor!

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

1/07/2007 9:59 AM

 
Blogger Tom Foss said...

Honorable mention? High praise from the most awesome man in comics blogging! I feel as though I have been touched by awesomeness, and it feels good.

Thanks!

1/07/2007 12:24 PM

 
Anonymous Charlie Anders said...

Hey, thanks for mentioning my entry... btw, I'm actually a "she".

1/07/2007 12:52 PM

 
Blogger McGone said...

My hopes, my dreams... shattered. I didn't even muster an honorable mention. Or dishonorable one at that.

1/07/2007 1:00 PM

 
Blogger Chris Sims said...

Charlie Anders and mcgone: I have no idea what you guys are talking about. Everything in the above blog post is correct, and always has been.

[Cough]

1/07/2007 1:10 PM

 
Blogger thedeadpenguin said...

Oh man, I wish that "By the smeg on Oshtur's face, we sentence you to outer spaaaaaaace!" was actually a line in that book. Doc Strange needs more spoooooky vowel elongation. That's excellent, nathan :)

1/07/2007 2:24 PM

 
Anonymous buttler said...

That stick figure OMAC is quite possibly the most beautiful thing i've ever seen.

it totally beats out that plastic bag i saw fluttering in that one time.

1/07/2007 4:19 PM

 
Anonymous buttler said...

in the wind, i mean. grrr, argh.

1/07/2007 4:20 PM

 
Anonymous The Dark Knight said...

The Moon Knight recap brought a whole new level of irony present in the book to my attention.
Just think about it. First, he rips someone's face off, then he fights Taskmaster, who has no face.
I won't do a recap of my own, but it would've included the following dialogue:
MN: "Do you... just not have a face, or what?"
TM: "Actually, I--"
MN: "'Cause if you need one I have a couple extra."

1/07/2007 4:34 PM

 
Blogger Richelle said...

It's because we didn't give Batman a speaking role, isn't it?

1/07/2007 5:23 PM

 
Blogger Chris Sims said...

Sorry, Richelle, but as much as I like Lockdor (Trogheed?), we both know that nothing with Jean-Claude could ever win a contest on the ISB.

(Batman's little smile still cracks me up, though)

1/07/2007 5:41 PM

 
Anonymous captain supercool said...

Ha, Chris, you recognised the "Pop Art" logo! I can die a happy man now.

1/07/2007 6:04 PM

 
Anonymous Tim C said...

>>"I've a BTEC National in nut kicking you slag."

Deserved the win just for that.<<

Thanks! I was channeling Noel Fielding from The Mighty Boosh. And thanks to Chris for making my lifelong dream of winning his second anniversary contest come true!

1/07/2007 10:40 PM

 
Blogger The Fortress Keeper said...

The winner is well-deserved, but I'm still laughing over the "Your milkshake does not bring Doom to the yard."

1/07/2007 10:54 PM

 
Blogger Canton said...

Wow. I fully expected to be disqualified and perhaps smote. Been fretting about it for most of the week... (Then again, I don't expect Greg Land to suffer consequences of his own any time soon, so there ya go.)

Thanks for not smiting me, Chris!

1/07/2007 11:19 PM

 
Blogger Mark Engblom said...

Congratulations to the winner (absolutely hilarious), and to all of my "competitors".

Just be glad that, instead of "The Death of Gwen Stacy", I didn't pick "Norman Osborn's Seduction of Gwen Stacy " instead. It could have been ugly.

1/07/2007 11:19 PM

 
Anonymous Julian said...

Chris, you might want to check out Ultimate Vision #2 from last week's releases. It features Vision kicking some AIM goon's face and more George Tarleton on his way to becoming MODOK.

1/07/2007 11:24 PM

 
Blogger Zeke said...

I said I was in on this, and dammit, I meant it! Chris, I really, really hope you can squeeze this into the post, because although I know it's late I worked like a dog on it (despite appearances). Here's FLASH: Chain Lightning in 30 Seconds.

Congratulations to all other entrants, particularly the winners. I never had a chance with "APARO!" in the mix. (And zr man, I thought yours was spot-on, but I'm guessing it broke format too much.)

- Z

[Oh crap, I just read the part about Comic Sans....]

1/07/2007 11:51 PM

 
Blogger Nathan P. Mahney said...

Thank you Mr. thedeadpenguin, but the word spaaaace must always be elongated for reasons of awesomeness.

1/08/2007 7:27 AM

 
Anonymous David Thiel said...

Thanks for the honorable mention! I know it's a cliche, but it really is an honor just to be nominated amongst such fine folk!

This weekend, I went out and bought the Essential Marvel Team-Up Vol. 1, just so I could finally (33 years later) read the first part of that Stegron story!

1/08/2007 1:41 PM

 
Blogger Mallet said...

So...

My breaker box exploded and I've just now got the net access back. Can I still have my Namor?

1/10/2007 2:21 AM

 
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