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Thursday, March 17, 2005

Kirby Redux

Due to a little SNAFU yesterday, I forgot that I'd ripped the cover logo off an issue of the Jack Kirby Collector when I did the original cover mock-up a few weeks ago. So, in the interest of having John Morrow not kick my ass all over HeroesCon, I went back and changed the logo. So once again for your viewing enjoyment, the nearly final cover for TNAOJK #1, still featuring art by the inimitable Goose:

Click to King-Size it! Posted by Hello

Look for it Wednesday! And in response to Steven Hager, who posted yesterday about mail ordering a copy, trust me: If you want to buy one, I'm going to do my best to get one to you. Give me a few days to check with my peoples, and we'll work something out.

Now, on to the rest of it.

I know that as of late, all this blog's been good for has been crazy customer stories and the Punisher, and I don't like it any more than you do. But as HOV says, "try to ignore 'em, talk to the Lord, pray for 'em, but some fools just love to perform." And today was a double-shot.

We finally got a new DVD player for display, so to test it out, we popped in the ridiculously awesome Clone Wars cartoon. So this guy wanders over and looks at it and goes: "Man, I forgot how corny them cartoons are."

How corny the cartoons are? Mister, you're a grown man wearing an Orange County Choppers baseball cap and a chain wallet. You're buying Shi and Lady-fucking-Death. And you think the cartoons are corny? Some people's children, I swear.

But that guy was a mere prelude to the lurking horror that is... Cockeye McGee. This guy, man, is almost universally loathed by the Saturday crowd, employees and customers alike. He's the kind of guy that'll be playing a game for the first time with people who are already familiar with it, and start giving them tips on how to win... people that are doing far, far better than him. And then he'll just talk and talk and talk and talk until you pray for the sweet release of oblivion. Or maybe that's just me. Regardless, he's rough.

One of my major pet peeves is when I'll be watching something and somebody'll make an insanely obvious comment. And I'm not just talking about stuff like "Holy Crap, he just punched that guy in the face!" I'm talking about occasions like when I saw Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and the two loudest old ladies on the face of the planet were sitting three rows behind me and kept saying things like "This movie's in Chinese!" and "Here comes trouble!" whenever the villain approached. Lady, he's the villain. We know he's trouble.

So dude comes in and starts making an ungodly amount of noise, grunting and panting and whatnot, and as soon as I turn to see what fresh horror was this, he catches my eye with his good one and goes: "Well they 'FIXED' my computer today!"

Yep. Air quotes. This guy has got to go.

He said it like it was some private joke between us, like we'd been on the phone with each other for an hour last night discussing his undoubtedly wacky computer problems. I gave him an "Ah." and turned back around.

"You might've noticed I put quotes around 'fixed.'"

Holy. Crap. He actually said that. So he goes on about it for a few minutes and then finally notices the Clone Wars playing, at which time he parks himself in front of the TV for the duration, dropping pearls of wisdom like "Well ya can't hit a Jedi with energy weapons, right?!" and "Uh oh, he's got his lightsaber back! Big mistake, fellas!" But it was when Anakin fights Asajj Ventress and starts flipping out that he truly broke through the barrier into enlightenment: "You can't get mad like that! When you're a regular fighter, sure, but not when you're a Jedi! Ya just can't get mad. That's REAL bad news."

He said it solemnly, shaking his head.

"Yeah," I said, "I'm pretty sure that guy turns out to be Darth Vader."


Blogger J. Kern said...

Ana- what? What you say?! Anakin is Darth- WHAAAAA?!


Thanks for ruining Episode III for me, ass. i might as well not bother now.

i must say that i am looking forward to Lucas' Extra Extra Special DVD editions of 4, 5 and 6 after III's released tho. i hear at the end of Jedi, he's replacing the ghost of Sir Alec Guiness with Ren from Trainspotting and Yoda's been one-upped by Miss Piggy.

3/18/2005 3:21 AM

Blogger Phil Looney said...

You forgot about Mr. McGee's BO problems. It's bad enough that he won't shut up or leave you alone, but he smells bad too.

3/18/2005 8:13 AM

Blogger Chris Sims said...

Oh GOD yes. He's a big pile of rough. When you see me in the store on Saturday, ask me about what he said about dancing, and then what he said last night. It's pretty effing hilarious.

I forgot to mention it, there was also a guy watching Clone Wars who referred to Mace Windu as "Burly." As in "He always seemed pretty burly in the movies, so I guess they went ahead and made him REALLY burly in this."

I almost lost my shit.

3/18/2005 9:45 AM

Blogger autryman said...

Can't wait for my triple signed copy. Having a book with the signature of the mysterious Mr.Goose is very exciting. I love his stuff even more than I love his mom's. I saw the cover with out the logo and words and stuff and it looked good, but with all that stuff it looks even better.

3/18/2005 10:43 AM

Blogger Mark W. Hale said...

As much as I like the couple who own the local shop hereabouts, the poor folks are near-constantly beset with sad-sacks and funk-bags like the ones you speak of herein. I don't know how they do it.

I swear I'm becoming agoraphobic and I don't even care.

"ISB" always makes me think of my old educational institution, the Indiana School for the Blind.

3/18/2005 8:56 PM

Blogger Mon-El said...

A quick congrats on the comic, that's great!

3/19/2005 1:14 AM

Blogger Editor-in-Chafe said...

Oh good lord. I know EXACTLY this guy, except with a) the strangest speech impediment I have ever heard, b) a propensity for crazy schemes that would put any Silver Age villain to SHAME. Examples: he made god-damn ninja stars, he legitimately wants to make a suit of diamond so he can become Batman, he once spent 45 minutes talking about how he doesn't use shampoo because it hurts when it gets in his eyes, and whenever I jokingly suggest some sort of absurd hyperbolic scheme, he will bring it up months later and tell me I should "get on that". I feel your pain, funnyman.

12/26/2008 1:25 AM

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