Settle Down, Lois

Earlier today, we were filling out the back issue wall at work, and I had occasion to go through all the old issues of Superman's Girlfriend, Lois Lane, and through all those covers, there's one unifying theme:

Lois Lane needs to calm her ass down.

There's a lot made of Superman's reprehensible behavior back in the day, but honestly, you'd turn on your friends too if they acted like Lois and Jimmy did. Every couple months, Jimmy's ordering his new eight-wheeled motorcycle gang to run you down or torturing you to find out your secret identity, and Lois? Heck...

If she's not going back in time to ruin your childhood romance...

...trying to decapitate you...

...or getting so mad that she breaks up with you by ripping through the fourth wall, then she's probably doing something really weird.

You know.

Like this:

Now that's not to say she didn't have a good reason for it.

Between getting slapped around by Superman's mom...

...and Superman's shocking behavior at her wedding, she's bound to have a lot of repressed rage.

That last one, by the way, is my personal favorite. Superman's in a church, with his feet kicked up, shrugging nochanlantly with a smug smile as Lois marries God-knows-what.

"Well, I guess I could stop the wedding, Lois, but there's that whole thing where you tried to chop my head off that one time... Sooooooo, yeah, that's a no."

Special Bonus Cover

Oh, Lois. You're playin' with the Queen of Hearts... knowin' it ain't really smart.

And that, children, is what we call a joke I couldn't resist.