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Saturday, September 23, 2006

Profiles in Courage: Evillo

The last time I talked about the Legion of Super-Heroes--which, surprising everyone, was actually more than two days ago--I took a harsh look a story where the Legionnaires bring Superboy and Supergirl to the future, kick them out of the Legion, and eventually shove little pieces of Kryptonite in their brains to keep them from remembering it at all.

Predictably, by the next issue, they end up going back in time to Smallville to beg for Superboy's help, because, well, as hard as it may be to beieve, there are certain problems that can't be solved by Matter-Eating and Splitting In Two. And in this case, those problems are represented by a man so dastardlyo, so hatefulo, so undeniably deadlyo that he could only be called...


Yes, while he was certainly the most deadly threat to menace the Legion in the pages of Adventure Comics #351, Evillo never quite caught on like, say, the Fatal Five, or even the Time-Trapper. And why?

Because he is quite possibly the single most ineffective super-villain ever.

Take, for instance, the fact that he runs a gang called The Devil's Dozen, which is a lot more impressive before you find out that there are only four members. And to make matters worse, Evillo uses the dark-force blasts from his horns (which he spontaneously grows after tricking Lightning Lad into shooting him with a pistol that... makes him grow horns, I guess) to completely obliterate one of his henchmen after a minor misunderstanding involving Bouncing Boy.

But here's the thing: At this point, most evil masterminds would simply scrap the idea of the Devil's Dozen and just go with "Satan's Quartet"--or, I suppose, "The Unholy Trio" at this point--but damn it, Evillo's the kind of guy who's going to see this thing through to the bitter end, and so concocts a plan to kidnap Legionnaires and subject them to a gas made of particles of Pure Evil in order to bring them over to his side.

So, Evillo, how's that working out for you?

Huh. Getting punched out by a one-armed child with no super-powers. Yeah, I guess that qualifies as "not so good."

Amazingly, Evillo's reign of terror isn't completely halted right there, but considering that he shrieks like a schoolgirl in that last panel, there's no amount of side-trips to the Fifth Dimension and battles between the Substitute Heroes and the Legion of Super-Pets--which I assure you is totally rad--that can delay the inevitable.

Prince Evillo of Tartarus
At Least He Tried

More Profiles In Whatever Passes For Courage Around Here
| Gaggy Gagsworthy |
| The Haunted Tank |
| The Vagabond |
| The Tiger Man |
| Banjo |
| The Hypno-Hustler |
| The Black Dwarf |


Anonymous Anonymous said...

This further proves the fact of inverse ratios: the more "dastardly" your super villain name, the more completely said tool is going to get his face kicked in and humiliated, probably by teenagers.

9/24/2006 1:07 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

What's even more tragic is that in his later appearance, Evillo was defeated by Matter-Eater Lad's crack team of members like Policy Pam, Echo-Chamber Chet, Spaceopoly Lad, and Evillo's own children. He definitely didn't get better with age.

9/24/2006 1:25 PM

Blogger Mark Kardwell said...

Of course, it was his parents fault. With a name like "Evillo" he was never going to turn out right.

9/24/2006 3:51 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wonder how Matter-Eater Lad stays so thin, given how often he eats large quantities of miscellaenous crap. Guy must work out.

9/24/2006 4:30 PM

Blogger Cullen Waters said...

Evillo. Sounds like a cereal. Or canned pasta.

9/24/2006 5:25 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

The master of all Evil wears a big yellow butterfly on his chest? Evillo is so in denial about himself.

9/24/2006 5:32 PM

Blogger Chris Sims said...

This further proves the fact of inverse ratios: the more "dastardly" your super villain name, the more completely said tool is going to get his face kicked in and humiliated, probably by teenagers.

I imagine you're counting Dr. Doom as an exception to this rule.

9/24/2006 8:43 PM

Blogger Brandon Bragg said...

"MMMM! This *CHOMP!* gun is delicious!"

That line is definitely going in any suicide notes I decide to write.

9/24/2006 10:03 PM

Blogger Steven said...

Dr. Doom doesn't need to be an exception. The word "doom" is merely ominous, rather than actively evil. He's not, y'know, Dr. Evil.

Huh, Dr. Doom, Dr. Fate, and Dr. Destiny have names that mean the same thing.

9/24/2006 10:31 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

All I could think about with the Devil's Dozen is the Crazy Eights from Son of Ambush Bug.

There were three of them.

Man, Chris, I love your Legion stuff. It's inspired me to do a little of it on my own pages, but it's never as good (obviously).

9/25/2006 10:52 PM


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