The ISB: A Visitor's Guide

Hey, check it out: I got linked on SilverBulletComics. It's, uh, all the way at the bottom, and it's only on there because Jim was nice enough to use some of my jokes, but still, that's something.

So as the ISB moves one step closer to Total Internet Domination, a link like this could mean that upwards for four new visitors could be reading tonight's update. So if you're one of the ones who actually clicked on through, allow me to welcome you with a little rundown on what the Invincible Super-Blog is all about. And what better way to do that than by ripping off the awesome Scott Pilgrim?

Chris Sims
Age: 22
Rating: Totally Gay for Gail Simone

I work in a comic book store, which is pretty awesome, except when I have to deal with customers I don't like (see "The Cap'n," below). Fortunately, there are also customers I DO like, like Phil, who suggested that instead of just yelling about how awesome Count Dante is at the store, I put it on the internet. So I did. But really, the ISB's origins go back further than that, as this early installment shows.

I do some writing beyond the ISB as well. I worked with Phil on our mini-comic, The New Adventures of Jack Kirby, which is based on the premise that we like to imagine the King of Comics fighting nazi robots and dog-men. I also wrote a story for Phil's western anthology, Gone to Texas, and I've got an upcoming project involving a team of supervillains and our 16th President.

I like reading, Public Radio, and biscuits.

So that's pretty much me in a nutshell, but considering that this blog's written with an audience of twelve people in mind, there's a lot of in-jokes. So let me catch you up with this handy Glossary of Terms.

Box of Punishment: Okay, so this one time I decided to read every single Punisher comic we had in the store, so I put them all in a short box and read them over the course of a month. It's been suggested that I do a Box of Vengeance for Ghost Rider, but after 294 Punisher comics, I'm a little wary. The day I finished it, my girlfriend broke up with me.

Cassaday, John: A darn fine penciller. And seriously? The most handsome man I've ever seen.

Chad: Also known as Radical-C. One of many that I refer to as "my main man." His comic, Dr. Impossible will rock you.

Count Dante: Martial artist and comic book huckster who advertised his "Dance of Death" in gems like Western Gunfighters #29. Due to the fact that you can't talk about him without the words "death match" and "explosive device," he is the coolest man who ever lived.

ISB: The Invincible Super-Blog. You're reading it right now. Not to be confused with the Indiana School for the Blind, the Salvation Army's International String Band, and the inexplicably named ISB Community Bank.

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter: The second greatest movie of all time.

Karate Kid: The greatest movie of all time.

MG3: MG3, or "The Snake Charmer" as he likes to be called, is usually mentioned in my Saturday night updates, because I usually hang out with him. He really, really loves Star Wars, which occasionally causes conflict due to my personal views. He also enjoys drinking and Starman.

OMAC: The single greatest comic book character ever created.

Pulido, Brian: My nemesis. Although I will admit, he's paid his dues.

Scott: Scott's a friend of mine who used to work at the store. He likes comics to an unhealthy extreme, and recently bought a cup that was the subject of much debate. Whenever I mention him, I link to this picture, which never gets any less funny. To me, anyway.

Sweater Guy: Smooth as silk, man. Smooth as silk.

The Cap'n: Formerly known as Cockeye McGee, this guy resembles a cross between Ben Franklin and the Quaker Oats guy, and is the source of many of my most harrowing customer interactions.

Tug: Friend and coworker. He enjoys calling me "cock" and referring to my "hamitude." He laughs despite my tears.

Wizards and Villains: The name I use for the comic shop at which I work so that I can make fun of The Cap'n and others without fear of legal ramifications. It was originally Scott and Chad's name for the Earth-3 version of the shop.

And that's pretty much it. Now if you like what you see, why not send me two bucks and get your own copy of All Part of the Master Plan: The Best of the Invincible Super-Blog?

And if your name happens to be Gail Simone, I might even send you one for free.