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Saturday, July 02, 2005

So It's Come To This

Brandon was supposed to write a guest update for tonight's ISB detailing a true tale of violence and mystery from his family's sordid history. But since Brandon is a bad friend and a horrible person (children burst into tears whenever he walks by and when he comes over for pizza, my dog just hides under the table and growls), he didn't.

So you can blame him for the lack of a real update. But as an alternative, I present the conversation wherein I discovered his betrayal, edited to make his childlike scrawl readable.

Hey, I'm tired and I hurt my hand playing tennis yesterday. It's either this or more pictures of french fries.

Chris: Where's my column?

Brandon: Oh shit give me about 20 or 30 min. k?

Chris: YOU WRETCHED LITTLE HALF-MAN!

Chris: I ought to kick you and beat you with sticks.

Brandon: I had to go see another movie today

Chris: By the by, I effed my hand up yesterday.

Brandon: Really? That sucks.

Chris: Yeah. Remember when I fell?

Chris: I scraped one of my knuckles and I think I might've sprained my wrist a little bit.

Brandon: I meant to write the story this morning but my dad was gone before I woke up. I could do it tonight...

Brandon: but it would be better if I could do it tomorrow.

Brandon: So I could, you know, like find out his name.

Chris: Damn your beady little eyes. I don't have anything to write tonight. You better have it tomorrow, you deadline-dodger.

Chris: OK

Brandon: I saw The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

Chris: ...

Chris: That's why I don't have my column?

Brandon: You fucked up your hand.

Brandon: And I missed a deadline

Brandon: See, thats something to write about.

Chris: Excuse me while I find something blunt to strike you with...

Brandon: Just cut and paste this conversation.

Chris: I haven't fallen THAT far. [Ed. Note: Yes, apparently, I have]

Brandon: It's got racial slurs and threats of violence.

Brandon: You know, like most of your posts.

Et tu, Brandon?

Be here tomorrow when I rip the lid of the Terrifying Secret of Hezekiah Wallace.

4 Comments:

Blogger Mark Hale said...

I brought up SHOTTP with my ladyfriend, telling her there is a young lady in the movie named "America Ferrera," and what the hell is up with that name? She said "Oh, she's the new fat hispanic chick that everyone thinks is so hot." (Cubans like making up names, but none of them are named America. Or Tony Montana.)

Seriously, what guy saw that movie? Brandon isn't the first guy I've seen admit on the internet to seeing that movie.

7/03/2005 6:19 PM

 
Blogger Chris Sims said...

Brandon's the type of guy that'll watch anything with a girl in it.

That's why I called him when Coyote Ugly came on Pay Per View. We ended up watching it three times.

7/03/2005 6:54 PM

 
Blogger Philip Looney said...

Coyote Ugly is awesome.

7/04/2005 11:23 AM

 
Anonymous Baldric said...

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