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Sunday, February 26, 2006

Amaze Your Friends! Terrify Your Enemies!

In addition to stories about Superman throwing shirtless men around and hiding under your bed, DC's recent Superman Chronicles also features a three-part series that ran in the original books on how to acquire Clark Kent's fantastic super-powers for yourself.

So tonight, as a public service to the readers of the ISB, I bring you this triptych, in the knowledge that you will use your new-found superpowers for awesome. They may seem a little odd, but once you realize that they were probably written by Jerry Siegel, the man responsible for Matter-Eater Lad and last night's other shenanigans, that's to be expected.

I'm seriously considering having "Be Moderate In Your Exertions" tattooed across my stomach in gothic font like Tupac's "Thug Life." It just speaks to me.

Seriously? If making a fist and jerking it back and forth gave you super-strength, I'd be the frigg'n Hulk by now.

WARNING: Attempting to develop your X-Ray Vision Power using a telephone pole and a pencil may result in rapid and grotesque hair loss.

5 Comments:

Blogger Ragnell said...

There's something like that in the second GA Flash archives for speed.

2/27/2006 1:47 AM

 
Blogger Canton said...

For super strength, what you really need is a calf.

You know, you get a calf, and every day, you go out and lift it, and soon enough you'll be lifting a full-grown bull! With your bare hands!

Or so the story goes...

2/27/2006 12:17 PM

 
Anonymous Lorene said...

C'mon. If you want super strength, everyone knows you just have to gamble a stamp, kick a chair and "LATER", be the Hero of the Beach. Sheesh.

2/28/2006 12:08 PM

 
Anonymous dr. kunka said...

"Seriously? If making a fist and jerking it back and forth gave you super-strength, I'd be the frigg'n Hulk by now."

But that is counterproductive to "acquiring super-vision."

2/28/2006 12:30 PM

 
Blogger Chris Sims said...

Well-played, sir. Well-played.

2/28/2006 9:05 PM

 

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