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Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Seriously, What the Crap?

Still sick. And it's no wonder why.

Last week at the monthly post-Comics Club Denny's dinner, I was sitting in a stall in the bathroom in an attempt to avoid a cramped and painful trip home when Tug walked in. "Hey," he said through the partition, "Did you use one of those paper seat-covers?" I said that I didn't.

"You should. They let crackheads in here, you know."

Crackheads. That's the only explanation I can think of for the state of most public bathrooms I've come across. It's ri-goddamn-diculous is what it is.

Now I'll admit, I'm one of those people that has certain issues with public bathrooms. I hate 'em, and tend to only use them as a last resort (or only if I've checked them out previously on several occasions. I'm weird like that). And I'll be the first to admit that the cleanliness of the shop's bathroom is somewhat below the level that we'd all prefer. But at least we make up for it with colorful pictures of Wolverine.

Tonight I stopped at a gas station on the way home (O! the folly!) to fill up, and while I was there went to their--ahem--facilities. And Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, that place was the pits.

The previous occupant had pissed all over the seat. And when I say all over, I mean it. This wasn't just a case of a few missed shots, it was a deliberate act of malice that violated the social contract on a rudimentary level. It was like the guy had been challenged to a test of skill: unload without a single drop hitting the frigg'n bowl. And to top it all off, there was a fucking pube on there, too.

Un. Mutual.

And while we're on the subject, what the fuck is up with the people who don't flush?! Look, you want to leave a pot o' stew cookin' at home, fine. I salute your quest to lower your water bill. But here in what we call civilization, don't do that! I mean, really, what kind of low-class jerk just leaves one sitting there? Probably the same guy that's carving the racist epithets into the wall.

Anyway, that's all you're going to get out of me tonight. Why don't you go read the latest Dollar Movie Review of Blade 3 while I go down a handful of NyQuil tablets and go back to bed?


Blogger autryman said...

When you mentioned being in the bathroom at the monthly post-Comics Club Denny's dinner and Tug walking in, I thought you were about to recount Tug's hair band comment. Tug starts to wash his hands and notices a hair band in the sink. "Hey. There's a hair band in the sink. I mean ... not a Motley Crue hair band ... but a hair band hair band."
You don't always use a seatcover? If there are no available seat covers, you must squat over the toilet. No touchy touchy. I am not a doctor, but I believe that you can get crabs from a toilet seat. That's the word on the street.
I absolutely agree with you about this no-flush piss and shit where I damn well please attitude that is out there. I hate it. I have to do everything with my damn feet to keep the germs off and I'm sure that I don't have to tell you that standing on one foot and flushing with the other is dangerous on a piss coated restroom floor.
I'd also like to add that if I happen to be regretfully sitting in a stall pinch'n one next to a guy, I hope that bastard has the common decency to give me a courtesy flush. As soon he drops one, he should flush. It won't keep me from smelling everything, but it might make it a little more bearable.
I could go on and on about this.
Oh yeah...I also agree about the H&D restroom. Scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being a crack house john, I'd give the H&D restroom a 3. Buy some soap for God's sake!

2/16/2005 5:23 PM

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