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Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Open Letters, Volume 2

Dear Gail Simone,

Remember that time when Deadpool shrunk the Rhino down with Pym Particles and used him as a keychain?

That was awesome.


Dear DC Comics,

Marvel publishes like eighty-four craptacular issues of Spider-Girl and you guys won't even let The Breach get to an even twelve? What the hell is that all about? I mean, I don't know if you've actually read this book, but it's pretty rad.

Sniff you jerks later,

PS: If you see Gail Simone anytime soon, could you please give her the attatched sonnet?

Dear Marvel Comics,

So last night, I read this comic where the Fantastic Four had to hook up Iron Man's armor to Thor's hammer to shoot their way out of a black hole that Galactus (who was as big as the frigg'n universe!) trapped them in.

I'm thinking maybe if you did that in your little House of M book, we wouldn't have twenty-seven copies of Mutopia X taking up shelf-space at work.

Your Buddy,

Dear Alias Comics,



To the Drivers of a Red Civic and a Gray Volvo,

Hi! You guys probably don't remember me, but I was about three cars behind you at the stoplight tonight when you guys went completely insane. Gray Volvo Guy, when you got out of your car and started shouting at Red Civic and pointing at your head, it was electric. When this happened the third time, I was on the edge of my seat.

I've got to say, Red Civic, when you opened your door to shout at Gray Volvo but didn't get out, I'll admit, I was a little disappointed. I should've known better than to doubt you guys, though. When the traffic started moving, and you pulled around to the side of Gray Volvo and started yelling at him through your passenger side window, and then he pulled into the parking lot and you did a three point turn in a side street to get back to him? I knew everything was going to be okay.

The fact that I saw all of this from behind a car with "JUST MARRIED -- HONK IF YOU'RE IN LOVE" written on the windows in big red letters has reaffirmed my faith in humanity.

I love you guys,

Dear Colleen Coover,

Remember that time you wrote a porn story narrated in the style of an 1890s Men's Adventure Novel?

That was awesome.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

i thought he was still deadpool when he shrunk the rhino. regardless, the gail simone deadpool was one awesome run of comics. let me know if she writes you back.


8/16/2005 10:29 PM

Blogger Philip Looney said...

No Shakespeare's Trapped in Yon Closet Act II? :(

8/16/2005 11:21 PM

Blogger Chris Sims said...

Rob: Heck, you're right! Oh no, I hope she didn't see it...

... [snickers]

Phil: Can't let it get played out, homes.

8/16/2005 11:23 PM

Blogger Philip Looney said...

I don't think there is as playing out R. Kelly parodies.

8/17/2005 8:16 AM

Blogger CapVsBats said...


Anytime you are going to knock Bendis, please send me an e-mail so I can pimp your column on Newsarama! :D


8/19/2005 8:23 PM


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