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Sunday, May 15, 2005

The ISB Singles Club Pub Crawl

Prepare your face for a good solid rocking as I bring you an update live, drunk, and on location from MG3's floor! Ever since last week'sdisastrous night on the town, I've been planning my return to Columbia's nightlife. And brother, did I get it tonight.

My day began with the announcement that the Hooters down the street from the shop was hosting a bikini car wash today. Considering that I spent a good portion of my twelfth year of life trying to discern scenes of Bikini Car Wash 2 from static by constantly changing the channel to Pay-Per View, I had to check it out. It's a nice bit of closure that I told Shaka about while we sat in my car, engine off and windows up with the temperature well into the thousands (millions Centigrade), hoping to get a moderately attractive girl to brush up against my sweet Corolla.

As far as how that all worked out, I'll just say this: The washing, not so great. But they had breasts down pat.

That, of course, was merely prelude to what came after work, as I left my car at MG3's palatial estate, and we hit the streets for Singles Club Pub Crawl with Scott and our token non-single, Tug.

The first stop was the Publick House, where we got the same waitress as last week with the same curly blonde hair and the same blue top. And I'll tell it to you straight: She's really, really cute, but after four whiskey sours, she became gorgeous, or as I was heard to say, "like unto a Greek statue come alive." It was a good time.

After we'd settled our tab with Cute Waitress, we decided a walk down to five points to catch the closing crowd at Bar None was in order. But as we settled into our corner booth, I noticed that there was a girl next to Shuffleboard table who was not only visibly fucked up, but was also making out with her dog.

I don't mean that metaphorically: She had a small dog with her, and it was nestled into her arms while she showered it in kisses, her head occasionally bobhing up to scan the bar with her glazed, unfocused eyes. It was both hilarious and faintly disturbing, and she captured our attention for the entire time that she was there. The situation was only made funnier when her boyfriend would walk over to make out with her, the poor forlorn dog between them.

"I think they're going for a three-way," said Tug.

"I don't that girl's ever been naked," I shot back, "She's always wearing that dog."


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